GummieSpazz

Today

2011-11-14T13:07:00.000-06:00

It's been 7 months. So much living happens in a week, in a day. I have no idea where to start when 7 months have gone by. Maybe with today?

I'm 30 today. And I feel like I am really living the good life.

I got up at 5:30 this morning to start the day off with bootcamp. I did a total of 150 squats, 150 pushups (all but the last 20 on my toes!) and 150 full sit ups (in April I could barely do 10 without having to rest). Add in running 10 laps (3000 meters total) and I got my ass handed to me :) I usually run or bike or do something on my birthday that is a workout, it's my gift to myself, so it only felt right to push myself and show this new decade what to expect :) Tonight we have good friends coming over for dinner and drinks and I couldn't be happier.

I've got a lot going on, a lot to keep me busy in this new life in Austin that is starting to feel less "new" and more like regular old life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm happy. Linc and the girls are happy. This is what life is about. xoxx

5 minutes of happy

2011-04-13T13:33:00.000-05:00

Dudes. Lots of happy happening lately.

The thing I am the most excited about- kickboxing. There is a new studio that opened in our neighborhood that is all about the boxing/kickboxing/fighting workouts. I've been giving it a try and I am pretty smitten. I miss working out like this. It's something I have loved for almost 10 years, so it makes me wonder why I ever deviate from it? If you love something, you should do it more, right? It just makes sense. I only wish I had friends up here to do it with (you know you wanna come try it Mandy!)

Also- cooking. Now that Linc has joined me in the clean eating arena it has been seriously motivating to get in the kitchen and try new things. He isn't picky, but isn't as into a lot of my go-to stuff, so it has been fun to do research and try new things. I think I was to that point where you just get sick of cooking the same types of things for your family- but you cook them because you know they work. You know the kids will eat them. Turns out, my kids are far more adventurous than I give them credit for. They have been troopers with trying new things and old favorites. It has created a lot of good dialog with Mya about healthy choices and why portion control matters, why eating when you are hungry and listening to your body is a good skill to develop. I just love that this has turned into a family thing.

I'll leave with my latest favorite- Homemade Cliff Bars. I will say that they don't really taste like the Cliff Bars in the store, but they have similar properties. My girls love them and it is cool that there are so many ways to customize them to your liking. Did I mention they are easy? Less than 10 minutes, start to finish.

Homeless

2011-04-08T09:58:00.001-05:00

There are pan handlers here. Lots of them. Now that it is warmer it seems like there are more and more at the major light intersections. Some signs are simple with an, "Anything Helps". Others go into more detail, "Need money for groceries, hungry kids". I rarely have change, but when I do, I always give. Always. The woman with the sign for groceries, I have given every dollar and cent I had in my purse and wished I had more or had just come from the grocery store.

It seems like people here are pretty generous. I almost always see at least one car roll down their window and pass something out. This warms my heart more than I can tell you. I like to imagine the people in the other cars just don't have anything today. That they still offer eye contact and a smile. Some compassionate act that acknowledges that the person on the street is there. Is human.

But. I admit that when we moved here I was torn as to what was the appropriate thing to do. I was always of the mindset to support shelters, not pan handlers. In the happy valley of Utah, I don't think I once saw someone asking for change. In those years, I rarely had money to give, so I would send blankets and coats, spend my time when I could find someone to watch the girls.

Being here, it quickly became a moral dilemma for me. To give or not to give? Does giving just contribute to the cyclic nature of homelessness? A friend on FB posted this article and these paragraphs at the end have pretty much given voice to my inner dilemma:

While we are on this subject – everyone is always concerned about what people will do with the money we give them. Yet we don’t do this in any other part of our life. If you give me a sweater for Christmas and I take it back to the store and get a toaster instead, you don’t get mad – it was a gift and is mine to do with as I please. And yet…

Give a homeless man a dollar and we worry about what he will do with it. Will he use it wisely? Buy drugs? Spend it on cigarettes? A gift is a gift – period. If I gave you a Target gift card for Christmas and said “Don’t buy any sweets with it, because you need to lose weight”, you wouldn’t feel loved, or respected or even very human. And could we really call that a gift? Once restrictions are placed on a gift, it becomes less than a gift – it becomes a means by which you control the other person.

It shouldn't and doesn't matter to me what they do with the change I give them. What matters to me is that I am giving what I can. So I'm going to give. Right now with the temps rising, it's bottles of water and a smile if I don't have change.

I hope my girls grow up with this and see that you don't have to have money to do something. You give what you have to give, be it time, money, talent, or a smile and wave. I don't know if they will remember the hats for haiti or the pillowcase dresses. If seeing me knit the hats and scarves for the homeless here will be a memory they recall...and I don't mind if it's not. I want them to grow up with a sense of selflessness and community.

What I want them to know and understand is that we are charitable not because we are expected to or accountable to someone to be, but that we give what we have because we can. Because we have more than enough. We give because it is the right thing to do.

Geek Flag

2011-04-08T09:01:00.025-05:00

There has been a lot of gaming going on lately. I joined up with this group of women gamers and it has been surprisingly fun. The organizer of the group, Amanda, lives really close and has hosted a couple half day pot-luck type gaming get togethers. We have had her and her husband over a few times too- it's so nice to have a couple to play nerdy strategy games with who live close and don't have kids so it isn't a big deal to come to us. Fun games that aren't just the "Hasboro family"type games. (Which have their place!)

I feel lucky that strategy games were something Linc got me into and a hobby we still make time for and share. Sometimes its so easy to just zone out in from of the TV or pop in a movie (oh how we love the streaming Netflix!) and check out for the night. I love that after 10 years of marriage we still get all nerdy excited about something that we enjoyed when we dated. That new expansions and getting the complete set to a game make us feel like kids again.

I've learned quite a few new games through this group and it feels awesome to let my inner geek out with other women who get it. For the most part the women have been down to earth and unpretentious. A few have rubbed me wrong, personality wise, but I think that's good (and par for the course with this type of group). Sometimes you need the ones that bristle you so you appreciate the ones that don't, right? More than anything it feels good to be a part of something new here.

In the Kitchen

2011-03-30T13:03:00.000-05:00

I have been creating all sorts of things in the kitchen lately. All healthy, all good! Linc joined me in the healthy eating arena (he is so good at supporting me!) and so I have upped the ante and been trying all sorts of new things:

Hummus

This has greek yogurt in it instead of olive oil as the stuff I have made in the past does. I didn't have any natural peanut butter the second time I made it, so I just threw in some dry roasted peanuts- tasted the same! I really like it with the cumin, but I think you could substitue any spice to mix it up, or leave it out. I am now experimenting with making a raw batch, soaking some chickpeas overnight and using those instead of the canned ones. We shall see!

Banana Bran Muffins

If you like the texture of bread pudding, these are amazing! I used Fiber One cereal instead of the wheat bran and 1/2c natural applesauce instead of grating an apple. So moist and good!

Pumpkin Carrot Bran Muffins

These are next on my muffin quest. Its hard to find something fast and easy for breakfast for Linc, so muffins seem to be the answer. I will report back! I got this link off another blog and have liked all her reviews, so I imagine they will be a win!

Pita Chips

These are my own process. Heat the oven to 400. Take a few whole wheat pitas and cut them into triangles. Then separate the layers and spread them out on a cookie sheet. Spray them with water and then sprinkle on some kosher salt*. Bake them for 7-10 minutes or until crispy. *Depending on if you flavored your hummus, you can really flavor the pita chips anyway you want. I make them spicy for Linc by adding some garlic powder and cayenne pepper. For me, I like to add thyme, sometimes lemon pepper. You really can play around :)

Yogurt

I have to admit that it took me a long time to try making yogurt, and once I did I wanted to smack myself for waiting so long. It's so easy and so, so good! The next batch I make I will add gelatin because my girls like it a little thicker. I also use the cooler method rather than the heating pad method, mostly because we don't have a heating pad ;) Make it. Seriously. You won't regret it! Also- if you make the hummus above, you have just enough yogurt left over to start a 2 cup batch of yogurt. Ya know...use it up!

Gnocchi

This was good, Linc ate it but said it wasn't something he would eat if he wasn't eating healthy...okaaaay? The girls liked it except the kale- which I knew would happen. I loved it. LOVED. Heating it up the next day for lunch was even better. Win!

This is what is on the menu for tonight...I'll let you know how it goes!

Update: They all loved the meatloaf muffin things. Linc was kinda skeptical, then realized that the muffin tin made each peace have a "crust"- which is his favorite part ;) I'm not a big meat eater, but I dug them too!

Cherry Tree

2011-03-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

I have been avoiding going through the pics on my phone. Cleaning them out and getting the ones I want to keep set aside. My little memory card is full, so I quickly sat down and scrolled through, trying not to look but to just delete the junk I knew I didn't need. I don't have time to sit and cry and look back...then the pic above caught my eye and the tears started to flow. It's from the cherry tree in my mom's back yard. The one that I would climb when I was little, the one that has the tire swing that I have pushed my girls in. I took this pic right before we moved because I love how this huge branch being cut off left this open heart to admire.

I miss my Utah life. I miss my mom and my sister. I miss Aunt Barb and my friends. And it's okay...

Adjectives...I mean *verbs.

2011-03-17T20:42:00.002-05:00

reading...not much these days. I seem to be too tired when my head hits the pillow, and too busy during the day.
doing...sitting and relaxing after a very busy day of good mothering >pat on back here<
making...my first batch of kombucha tea
missing...my tribe
loving...spring here and how it stays lighter later.
wishing...I had friends here who wanted me to come and visit and help fold laundry and pick up and just mother together.
dreaming...of the swimming pool being open and spending our mornings there.
hoping...I can make the last three days of spring break as fun as the last six!
thinking...about cutting my hair short for summer
anticipating...gaming at Amanda's on Sunday
avoiding...laundry. I have a basket of misc stuff I need to sort through and either give away, throw away, or box up.
dreading...school starting up again next week. Been nice to have slow mornings.
eating...a mango. So sweet and good and perfect.
drinking...so much water
carrying...a lot in my head. But slowly releasing it.
holding...baby Annika. A lot this week :)
moving...more and eating less.
feeling...like my blog is starting to become mine again. Grateful.

*I love that I had the title of this as adjectives. And no one said something. Until Jessie did. MadLibs mess with you when you have been doing the all day long. Damn motherhood.

And this is why I dig Facebook...

2011-03-16T15:03:00.003-05:00

Hillary McDaniel MauermanHannah Rexine McDaniel Coleman
I had a nightmare about that scoby on your blog last night!

Time for 10

2011-03-15T12:44:00.002-05:00

I think I hurt my left shoulder knitting. I kid you not. Is there physical therapy for knitters? It started to bug a week or so before TM and hasn't gone away. Last night as I was tossing in bed because I couldn't get it comfortable I realized that I should probably go talk to someone. Like maybe get a massage and see if that helps...then a chiropractor...then a doctor if all else fails. Knitting! Seriously...
While tossing last night I let my thoughts flow and as soon as I started thinking massage I started thinking about how when K starts kindergarten I want to go to school and that made me think of my mom (she went through massage school when I was a teen) and that got me all sad and missing her. And I let myself have a good cry. I thought it would be easier by now. It's not.
Mya wanted to learn a "mom skill" on Sunday. (She coined the term and I dig it!) I needed to iron a few table cloths, so we adjusted the board to her level and she got to work. She loves it and did a great job.
I am going to make a Kombucha SCOBY (baby) so I can make my own Kombucha. I really like drinking it and it makes me feel SO great, but at $4 a bottle I really can't justify buying it a few times a week. Heidi got me into drinking Kombucha and I love that it is a natural detoxifier and energizer. One of my FB friends posted about making it (how have I never thought to look this up?!) and posted a link. It's going to take a few weeks because I don't already have a baby...but it will be worth it! And Mya is going to dig the experiment aspect of it! I'll post about how it goes...
Our washer and dryer are in our garage. Our garage door is literally right across from our bedroom. Sometimes when I have clothes in the dryer and I get out of the shower and want to wear those clothes...I have no problem going in there because only my car has the door opener clicker thing so there is no way the door will open with my car safely parked inside. Until yesterday. When Kaylee pushed the button on the wall that she isn't supposed to be tall enough to push. Quickest I have moved in a while :) Just thinking about it gives me the giggles.
Linc and I are obsessed with the game Thunderstone. Yesterday we got the last two expansions to complete our set and as I was reading some of the hero class card names aloud to double check that we had them all and getting them in alphabetical order, I had this moment of, "10 years ago I would not have guessed that this was my life." It's sooo geeky good. How much do I love that we share hobbies and aren't just turning the TV on every night?!?
He signed up for the TM in October as well! We are starting training together (as much as we can) and I now have a partner in the eating healthy arena. I have told several people that I am going to weigh 165 by October 8th. I am. Just you wait!
Phone date with Jessie today...just gotta get a few (loud) things done before I call her. Air pop some popcorn for the girls, make green smoothies, vacuum. And finish this post.
Michelle posted this update on her blog and it made me realize I haven't updated mine in a while. And it's the last year! Some goals have changed...and that is okay. I plan to have a meeting with myself and edit and carry on :) Thanks Michelle!
The weather here is amazing. I know it will be hot and sticky in July...but 2 months of that is TOTALLY worth what we have been cycling through since mid February. Bring on the sunshine!

Those Who Save Us

2011-03-11T14:04:00.000-06:00

One thing I have learned while going through the cycles of PMDD is that there are things and people that save me. If I let them. Sometimes it is as simple as casting on and starting a new knitted project or telling Linc I need to get out and roaming the isles of the used book store alone and without a real purpose. It can be keeping a phone date with a friend instead of rescheduling, or volunteering to do more than my normal amount at the school. It can be a spouse that listens to and validates the hormonally driven thoughts that pour out, or saying yes to the new buckets that you know are going to have to be taken to the sandbox that afternoon.

It's hard not to wrestle the thoughts in my head, going around in circles. It's when I come back to the same place for the third or fourth time that I realize I need to do something outside myself. When I need saving. I close myself off because I don't want to deal with anything or anyone, but it's a trap that leaves me only dealing with myself and makes it that much harder to come back from. Last month and right now I am really trying to see the signs and go down a different path. I feel far better than I have this cycle, but not 100%. I have a follow-up visit in early April and I am sure there is tweaking and such in store over the next few months.

Today I could feel myself sinking and knew that if I would just say the magic words, Kaylee would save me. So I didn't over think or put it off,

"Hey Kaylee, want to make an outside plan for us?"

It was spoken and she was up and grabbing a blanket and the picnic basket, talking a mile a minute. A picnic at the park, laying in the sun, running in the grass, exploring and checking out the bridges of the walking path around here. This super hero girl of mine saved me.

I sometimes wonder if it is fair, or healthy. I know if I ask for their help in so many words that I can't not do what they plan...I can't just lay on the couch and throw on some movies. I can't make excuses. Being accountable to them makes me the mom I want to be.

I hope it is a win/win situation. As they get older, maybe even if they have kids of their own, I hope that when they reflect back to these years that they see the good, not that some days it was a real struggle to be the kind of mom that I knew they needed.

dot dot dot

2011-03-09T21:01:00.020-06:00

Mya has spring break next week- totally caught me off guard for it to be in March! A whole 9 days of no alarm clocks, no morning rush, or volunteering at the school throughout the week. So very needed around here. (I love that she gets a full 5 school days off here- kids are gypped in Utah!)
I'm pretty sure me and Linc (and a few others from his office) are doing the Tough Mudder again in October. The course will be at the same place, but with a few different obstacles thrown in there. Can't wait to complete it with Linc!
Time seems to be flying here. We have been here for 8 months. EIGHT! I am so used to winter dragging on and on that this week I did a double take that it was already March. We are outside every day, I mowed my lawn today in shorts and a tank. I am grateful to not be feeling trapped by the weather.
I've recently been diagnosed with PMDD. I have felt the symptoms since May of last year with more severity each month. At the end of January, after feeling so completely not like me and borderline suicidal, I figured out that the symptoms were very isolated and would disappear (overnight) at the start of my period. A quick google search for "menstruation related depression" and I sat there and read link after link that described exactly what I went through every month. I made an appt with my doctor and we have a game plan for treating it. I have such mixed feeling about it all, but I am grateful to be treating it if nothing else. Going on untreated felt grim.
I think this little ode to knitting necklace is so cute. I can't decide how practical it would be for me- those pins do stick out a little. I love it though. I love knitting. Far more than I ever imagined I would.
Speaking of knitting...here is an "action" shot of sewing our tree cozy on. I still need to go back and get some good pics with our real camera. This was so fun :) Here is a link to a flickr pool of the event...it seriously was so awesome to be in the frenzy of installing them.
I've been looking at houses online here. I really am feeling more and more comfortable in this place and community and can see us growing here as a family. But there are still lingering doubts and guilt I feel, so ask me tomorrow and I might be more hesitant. Sigh.
From a few days ago- I posted it to FB: Some of our seeds just sprouted. Kaylee takes a look and exclaims, "It's a miracle!" Mya quickly corrects, "It's not a miracle, it's science. Miracles are things you can't explain, like in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, raining food, now THAT would be a miracle." :) Mya is quite the truth and logic seeker right now. I love being able to talk out and research things with her so she can come to her own conclusions on various topics. And then get gems like these to see how her mind has them filed.
I haven't done yoga in a while. For no reason other than the weather has been so good it has put a spring in my step and made me crave cardio.
"All I know is that one of the most beautiful feelings in the world is arriving in a place where you feel like you belong. You didn’t create the community…you discovered it." From here. It has been bouncing around in my head, the whole part about community if you click over. I think I am finally discovering this here, instead of trying to create what existed in UT. It's a bittersweet feeling to let go and open yourself up.
I picked the word OPEN for this year. Or it picked me...I really, really needed it and can honestly feel the difference. I hate that I never got around to blogging about it, but it is what it is.

Mya and her friend Ashani advanced to the Regional Science Fair. It was an almost all day event, so I am glad she had someone there to run around with in between events. She got another 1st place ribbon (at the regional level all primary kids place, 1st, 2nd, or 3rd) and her interest in science is even stronger :)
Today I have been thinking a lot about defining moments in life, where you can look back, and even in the moment, you knew it was the split in the road that would take you where you desired to be. For me it was a really difficult, really honest and painful conversation. I am so grateful I had the courage to keep talking until there was nothing else to say. I felt a shift that night and the next morning it was like this new path was ahead of me. And I haven't looked back.
Our friends had their baby girl in January and I have started to nanny for her as needed. Kaylee loves it. Loves her. I am so glad this is working out!
‎"To connect with others deeply – to find our tribe – we have to let ourselves be vulnerable. We have to share who we are – both flaws and strengths. Because really, that’s what we’re all made of." via Wish Studio. I love this concept. In the past, and even my first instinct now, is to be guarded. I have always been this way, where I share exactly what I want and hold close the flaws until I feel safer. But it doesn't mean I always will be that way. Most of my best friends allow themselves to be vulnerable from really early on, and I admire that so much in them. I'm on a mission to share what I am really made of.

Rite of Passage

2011-02-24T14:11:00.000-06:00

Most kids, at some point, cut their own hair. Right?

Do they give themselves swoopy bangs that end up being freaking adorable?

I think not.

Kaylee is advanced. And in this post-snip picture she looks like she has a mullet. Awesome.

Knitted Wonderland

2011-02-19T14:01:00.001-06:00

I'm still a knitter. I love it and feel like I am getting better. I've even managed to teach quite a few people the basics (unless I am forgetting someone, I think I have taught 13 people!) I joined up with a local knitting group, the Knotty Knitters, and it has been pretty cool to meet others that are around my age that enjoy this vintage craft.

This is my section- pink and orange in a garter and stockinette stitch and increasing for the base of the tree.

In January there was an artist who was asking for local knitters help with a project...not knowing anyone, but wanting to jump in and be open to new things, I signed up to help and went to the meeting. The Blanton Art Museum here has an annual open house where thousands of kids and adults come to explore the campus. The artist wanted to create a "Knitted Wonderland" to welcome children and adults to the museum.

There are about 99 trees and the response was much more than that, so I opted to partner up with two women for our tree. They did their pieces (we had to use three base colors with a hot pink accent) and gave them to me to connect together, making our "tree cozy" complete! I have to go on March 4th and install it on the tree, then it will be up until the 18th of March. I seriously can not wait to go take pictures of all the different trees that are unified by colors and stripes, but each their own.

The artist is Magda Sayeg and she has done quite a bit of yarn bombing. This bus is my favorite of her work:

I have never been part of something like this, but I like the idea of using something I enjoy to contribute to the enjoyment of others. I never really considered knitting and crocheting an art in this sense, but I dig it. I can't wait to go with Linc and watch our girls explore this wonderland.

Tough Mudder Austin

2011-02-02T14:11:00.002-06:00

Here is a link to the course we did- it was 10 miles of trail type running with 19 obstacles thrown in. Linc wasn't there for all the stops, so I am mostly going to post about what pictures I do have :)

The short synopsis, if you don't want to read the nitty gritty: It was hard, it was muddier than I even imagined, with more types of mud than I thought existed. It was so much fun I can't wait to do something like this again! I think I had a smile on my face most of the time.

Linc and Randy brought Mya and Kaylee and got there right as we were starting. I am SO grateful they were there to support us and take pictures! It was fun to do this knowing my girls were watching me and Hillary.

This was the first swimming obstacle. We had to climb up a wall and then jump from 15 feet up. Hillary had never jumped from that high, but I just counted 3-2-1 and we jumped, no time to get scared! The shock of the water was intense! You have to quickly move so others can jump, then you just take a minute to catch your breath and then swim to the shore.

There were a few obstacles that dealt with nets. This one was a net that we had to go under while climbing/crawling up a muddy hill. At the bottom is was easier to go butt-first rather than get all tangled. Jon has been Linc and my friend since we were dating- it was SO fun to do this course with him!

Once you get toward the top of this hill it got slick, so people were pulling on the net to get up, and there were people at the top holding the net to give tension. When you go to the top you just took someone's place and offered a hand to pull others up.

It was a lot more hills than I trained for. I know I could have trained harder in the cardio area, and when/if I do it again, I will be in better cardio shape. There were so many of these motorcross hills at the start of the race. My calves were burning!

The 5 of us mostly stayed together. Jon and Joel were in better shape and would sometimes run ahead and then back. I tried to stick back by Hillary and Ric and keep an eye on all 4 of them.

This net was the worst! The mud was thick like cake batter and when you lifted the net up it would drip down. Not so bad for those without contacts! I was constantly worried I would lose one throughout the race.

The mud mountain. Seriously sticky and thick mud with slick spots. I made it about half way before I needed a hand because I couldn't stop my feet from sliding. Did I mention how chivalrous this event was? It makes me a little misty eyed to think about it. Mudder men are awesome!

The reward of climbing up is sliding down. SO fun!

After doing a ton of obstacles back to back (if felt like) there was some back trail running and then we came back towards the main area through these bog areas. The mud/water ranged from thin and milky to the consistency of refried beans. Sometimes it was shin deep, other times you couldn't touch the bottom. There were areas that had trees to climb across too ;)

This rope bridge thing was unexpectedly difficult for me. It was late in the course and right after a swim under barrels so I think I was still a little stiff from the freezing water. But I wasn't about to walk around, so I got on and almost lost it a few times but kept going.

Hillary joined me and I was getting pretty close to the other side and thinking "Holy shit! I am actually going to make it!"

Then Hillary lost her grip and fell off and the slack in the line flipped me off. Hilarious! I almost lost my shoes in the mud trying to get out of this one.

The camaraderie was amazing! There is no way I could have done some of the obstacles without help. Period. So many people say that chivalry is dead...I disagree. Not just the three guys on our team, but across the board, you saw guys helping the chicks out with a boost or an arm to grab.

I am happy to say the ONLY thing I couldn't do were the monkey bars- which most guys struggled with! I tried them though, I jumped up and made it up two then fell down. They were towards the end of the course and really high up (thus the having to jump). This is Jon making his way across. I think he got two more then dropped. Joel is down in the water looking up- and if you look to the far right, you see my face, falling. I hit and dragged my shin down the side board and have a wicked bruise/cut. Battle scars.

This was the last of the swim courses. A lot of dudes were walking around by this point. The water was ice cold, so your muscles seized up a bit and you were doing those short hard gasping breaths. Starting on the other side, you had to swim to the barrels and then dunk under, come up and then dunk under twice more. Right before this I had a wicked calf cramp and was worried it would cramp in the water. Hillary helped me stretch it and I went for it. We did the 3-2-1 method again each time and just went for it. One of the harder things I did because it was later in the race.

This is the one I feel the most badass about! The boards were sooo slick with mud and wobbly by the time we got there. Almost every one would start it and fall off, try again and then just walk through the water to the end. Instead of trying to go straight like a balance beam, I went sideways, basically doing squats the whole way across and keeping low. I was the only one in our group that made it! My legs were shaking so bad, but it felt pretty awesome to not give up!

The walls were one of my favorite things, totally didn't expect that. I am so surprised I could get over them, they are pretty high up! The jump down feels awesome.

The shocks at the end weren't as bad as I imagined. I have been shocked before, so I knew what to expect. I actually stopped half way to dig a couple shoes of of the mud and throw them because the person in front of me fell. It was exhilarating- I know my face shows pain but I think I was just trying not to stop!

We all sprinted to the finish line after that and just like that- it was over! You get a bright orange head, a free Tough Mudder shirt and a beer :)

When looking through all the pics that Linc took, it was a huge wake up call. I know that you don't have to be skinny to be tough and fit, but it sure would be nice to carry around less weight. It's HUGE that I am posting these, some are SO very unflattering. I guess I can be the fat kid on the couch or the fat kid doing an event like this- only one really warrants pictures being taken :)

Jon, Joel, Me, Hillary, Ric- Team Filthy Minds!

Even with how sore I was Sunday and Monday, I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was really, really fun and not like anything I have ever done. I learned a lot about mental toughness. I think we all can do a whole lot more than we tell ourselves we can. There was never a moment that I wanted to quit and that surprised me. Having people there to help you along the way makes the process easier, and being able to cheer and encourage others on is never a bad thing. Doing something like this with my sister was the icing on the cake! I am so proud of her!

Stay Tuned

2011-01-31T11:45:00.000-06:00

I am coming off my blogging hiatus...gunna start things off with a long and probably way too detailed Tough Mudder re-cap! But...Hillary and Randy are in town until tonight, so I am going to enjoy hanging out with them for the day and finish that post tonight.

It's full of awesome muddy pictures, you won't be disappointed. Stay tuned...

Hmm...

2011-01-06T10:21:00.000-06:00

Do I blog anymore? I don't really know...

I take a lot of pictures, think of blog posts in my head. I write a lot, stuff that isn't really what I want posted to the world. I read blogs, mostly through my reader and am trying to comment more and more. When it comes to sitting down and actually posting to MY blog, that is the step I am missing. It is something that I'm missing.

Sometimes it feels like there isn't much happening to post about. Other times, it seems like there is too much. Like our almost 2 weeks in Utah for the holiday school break. SO much. How do you recap it all?

I have lost my zeal for blogging I suppose. The questions is: How do I get it back?

Prompt: Make.

2010-12-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I feel like I make a lot of things. It is never a matter of lack of time for me, it's money. I would say that 9/10 times I prefer handmade to store bought. I like the process, I like the satisfaction of stretching those skills or learning something new. I like the way homemade things taste better (the first time I tried one of those Stouffer lasagna things I almost threw it out...blech!) and I appreciate them more- less of the "easy come, easy go" mentality.

I made granola this morning. I used almonds instead of pecans and omitted the cardamom and my house smells like cinnamon rolls. I love baking. I get excited to go to a knitting group or back in the book club days because it meant a chance to make something different. Something that I normally wouldn't make because it would mean I would eat far more than my share. I am big on baking and taking so others get to enjoy. I have found here that it is such a novelty. Most of the women I have met are coming from work and just stop at the store on the way. I find the accolades funny, most of the things I have taken aren't anything special, but I guess there really is something to be said about home baked goods!

This is at the laid out stage so I could figure out how I wanted to mix up the patterns.
It may not be a traditional quilt, but it was a fun and un-intimidating first one to do!

On Thanksgiving we threw tradition to the wind and made pizza and spent the day crafting and creating as a family, watching movies and staying in jammies. I pieced together my first quilt and can't wait to take it to UT with us in a couple weeks to get a refresher course from my mom on binding.

I am still knitting and have knitting going 3-4 days a week. I am trying to talk myself into taking it to the next level and doing something that requires me to learn a new stitch or follow a complicated pattern. I am guessing that will wait until the new year :)

So the question for me isn't what don't I take time for that I want to... I would love to piece together a larger quilt, but need to budget that in first. Same goes for knitting- nice yarn adds up fast! I plan to do a lot more baking and candy making before the holiday season is over. Like everything, when there is a plan to make it happen, it just takes the patience and follow through. Two things I am getting better and better at.

Prompt: Let Go.

2010-12-06T21:05:00.000-06:00

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

This was actually the prompt from yesterday but it has had me ruminating for almost two whole days now. Maybe three weeks ago, the phrase "let go" kinda became a mantra for me and when I saw this prompt it stopped me. There has been a lot of letting go this last month for me.

Some of it has to do with moving here. I honestly had a lot of preconceived notions about how I would feel and groove here. How fast (notice- not slow!) I would adjust. But I haven't. It will be 6 months tomorrow and I thought I would be a lot further along. But I am not and it's okay! I have let go of those notions and am enjoying this middle space of who and where I am at. All it took was letting go.

Some of the letting go has to do with friendship. I just realized that instead of putting mental time and energy, emotional value and holding my worth as friend in someone else's hands, I needed to let go. For now. I needed to let go to free up space to move and grow in friendships here. To feel like enough.

Some of it has to do with my marriage. I didn't realize it, but there are so many knee jerk reactions I have to things that happened during the school widow years, and instead of letting them go, I just react in the way I would have reacted back then, even though it has been almost a full year since we have been past that phase! There was a long life changing conversation that completely changed my paradigm. I have let go of so much since that oddly timed discussion- quickly and without looking back! I am so grateful.

At one of the last RAW nights I went to before moving here, someone had a book of poems or something. There was one in there called "Letting Go". At the time it talked of physical pain (the author suffering from arthritis) and how sometimes you have to befriend the pain in order to move past it. It really resonated with me because when I was going through all my nerve things with my hands and feet, I practiced this without thought. I learned quickly that fighting pain makes it fight right back, at least for me. When you let go and stop fighting it, you learn to sit with it and let it have its space, then you move on. You don't hold onto it, you don't go back to it again and again. You let go and stop trying to control it. Let go and it lets go of you.

Along that same line...I can say that this year (mostly in the last 6 months) I have learned the same with emotional pain. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to escape it. You can busy yourself, try to think of the good times, the good things, justify this, that, and the other...talk your way through it. At the end of the day, it still will get ya. For me, it's in the letting go that I am finally feeling free. Sometimes you have to let go and just trust.

xoxx

Prompt: Wonder.

2010-12-04T21:52:00.000-06:00

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Living here with the seasons. Summer was hot and wet, but not as unbearable as I imagined. Then all the sudden it was autumn with the leaves turning and the wind changing. My internal clock was telling me to enjoy it while it lasted, being used to the fickle fall that Utah offers. To my wonder, day after day there was little change. Subtle changes, more colors, but everything lingered. Fall was slowly, slowly taking its sweet time. I didn't realize how much I needed the reprieve. Every day, at least once a day, I realize that this is a big part of why people live here. Why they sweat through the summer.

It is the first week of December and I wore shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops today. 76 degrees. Yes it is unseasonably warm, yes my internal seasonal clock is all jacked, but autumn here is making me fall in love with this city. I am grateful I haven't taken it for granted. That I often find myself sitting on my porch or at the park, taking it all in, this beautiful place I live, this lush and green area that has turned windy and warm with the vibrancy and crunch that a proper fall offer.

These two are falling hard too...

Prompt: One Word.

2010-12-01T11:28:00.000-06:00

I may or may not do this every single day this month, I am giving myself permission to not beat myself up about it if I don't. But...here is day one:

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

The first word that came to mind was loss. Ouch. But it didn't say the first word that comes to mind, right? I think growth is more appropriate, personal growth. There has been a lot of stretching, a lot of looking inward and owning up this year. It is interesting to me how I can easily divide the year in two, the 6 months leading up to our move, and the (almost) 6 months living in this new place. And how dramatically different they were from each other. I have grown as a person more than I thought possible, and in more areas than I realized needed maturity and attention. During the last couple weeks I have really been in tune and realizing that I have a lot I need to let go of in order to keep growing and to be happy. It felt like an epiphany of gigantic proportions! I have been in a middle space of my own for a while and just didn't realize it. With all the ups and downs of this year, I am so very grateful for it.

Next year, this time of year, I want to be able to use the word fullness to describe the year.

Rolling Thoughts

2010-10-28T23:21:00.000-05:00

Putting myself out there more. It's scary and exciting and freeing. And all vulnerable like.
I met up with some fellow knitters last week and again tonight. It might take a while to click, but it feels great to be creating with and around women again.
Linc and I are going on an actual date tomorrow night. With babysitters that we aren't related to. I can't for the life of me decide what we should do. The idea alone is burning a hole in my pocket.
Mya and Kaylee are going to be a peacock and a flamingo for Halloween. Of course they pick difficult costumes when my mom (aka costume master!) is so very far away. Baptism by fire!
It's official- Hillary is flying down to do the Tough Mudder with me. Just knowing she is coming has upped my ante for training. January 29th feels like so much time but I know it is going to pass so fast.
Amy takes some pretty freaking amazing pictures. Not that I didn't know that, but damn. I love the way she sees the world.
Have you seen the show Veronica Mars? I am watching it again while I work on Christmas projects. It is brilliance.
My family starts to arrive next Tuesday and will be here (coming and going) until the 15th. I am learning that I get a little melancholy the week before we have visitors. Almost like I am pre-sad about them leaving. It's weird. I didn't expect that.
I have a lot to do before they come. Yikes!
The weather here right now...it has to be a huge part of why people live here. It is amazing. Today Kaylee and I went on an impromptu nature walk with no shoes. The ground was warm, the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. Sometimes impulsive 3 year olds are oh so right.

Crappy Random Cell Phoneography

2010-10-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have no idea why there is a gravel rectangle pit thing along the river trail...but my girls love it. It's so random.

Linc and Mya spotted duck eggs a while ago. Last Saturday I took the girls to feed the ducks and these little cuties were following their mama around. Kaylee went crazy!

We tried DD last weekend and timed it just right. Pumpking donuts are oh so very right! And their coffee is pretty awesome too.

Our community library has all kinds of stuff going on for kids all the time. This was a spider dude doing a show. I kept my distance but the girls were right up in there. Mya even pet a tarantula. *shudder*

I made 8 of these posters for her school for a contest they are having. That is a whole lotta lines... Monday I was at the school from 7:30 until 3:30 doing volunteer stuff. Luckily that isn't the norm. I am finding my balance there though and grateful to have the time they so desperately need from parents.

She wanted to send a pic to Hillary showing her that she is the happiest girl ever. This kid really is. And she talks non-stop. For real. It's exhausting.

I guess my life must be longer than theirs...or is this the memo that I missed so very long ago? The wording on this just cracks me up in such a sad way.

The Cupcake Shack (I have no clue what its real name is) does 1/2 price cupcakes on Sunday because they don't bake that day and are closed Mon and Tues. It's crazy to me because they are amazing and the one I get tastes even better the second day. Score!

Mya making brinner one nigh. She is becomming quite the independent (and demanding) little chef.

Last night I had an a-Mazing workout! I went to the store after to pick up some milk and was cracking up that my arm was shaking holding it (a gallon of milk weighs just under 8.5 pounds). I had to set it down while waiting in line for fear I would drop it. Guess I met my "work muscle groups to exhaustion" goal. Yay!

Needed Today

2010-10-18T10:59:00.000-05:00

To hold it together

when everyone else would understand

if you fell apart,

that's true strength.

-Guillaume Apollinaire

from here

Wordless Lunchtime

2010-10-06T12:56:00.000-05:00

Kiddo Chore List

2010-10-04T12:41:00.005-05:00

Jessie asked what chores my girls do and it has me wanting to share and also wanting to know what your kids do! This is by no means perfect, just what we do! Forgive the rough list- but here are the ages and chores they do/did:

2-3 Years (this was with my assistance for the most part- teaching them how to do them):

Pick up toys/books and put away in appropriate places

Help make their bed

Unload flatware from dishwasher (great to work on matching!)

Dusting with a dry rag

Help me sort/observe laundry process

I think at this age it is just having them by me to watch what I do and "help" how they can

3-5 Years(this is what Kaylee does and doesn't need my help):

Make bed

Help sort their laundry into white/dark/colors

Help switch over laundry

Match socks and "fold" hand towels and wash cloths

Put away her clothes after I fold them

Keep front entryway clear (shoes, bags, toys)

Unload flatware from dishwasher

Check and pick up floors before I vacuum

Set the table for lunch

Clean up toys/art stuff/games/books

6-7 Years (what Mya does now with no help):

Make bed solo

Help fold family clothes

Put away her clothes

Put away folded towels/washcloths

Unload dishwasher

Vacuum their bedroom and hallway

Set the table for dinner

Pick up toys/art stuff/games/books

Jobs that will eventually turn into chores (I want Mya to learn to do them and figured making them jobs right now will be a good learning phase on how to do them since she has chores):

Scrub out bathtub

Wipe down bathroom sinks and counter

Scrub toilet

Empty bathroom trash can (eventually their bathroom will be one chore that they rotate)

Hand wash dishes that don't go in dishwasher (my girls LOVE to do this)

Sweep kitchen floor

Mop kitchen floor

Jobs that I don't think will turn into chores:

Wipe down baseboards with a wet cloth

Wipe down kitchen cabinet fronts

Help me clean out the fridge

Organizing the pantry (Mya's personal favorite)

Help cleaning out the car

Washing the car

Raking/Weeding/Yard work in general

Organizing the pots and pans cupboard (I seriously have the hardest time keeping it organized)

Anything dealing with parent areas (like cleaning the master bathroom, making our bed, hanging up my and Linc's clothes, vacuuming our room)

After writing all this down I feel like a slave driver... :) Some are daily, some are weekly. Sometimes I just see something that needs to be done and call it a chore. I pretty much oversee it all, and there are times when they just get to it and have me come "pass" it off. Other times I have to help them stay on task. I always let them do it their way first and then ask them if they did their best. If it is passable, they are good to go. If I know they got lazy we talk about it and get it up to par together. I try to remind myself they are learning and that their standard of clean and mine isn't the same and right now it shouldn't be! I want it to be a learning process. I never re-do something they worked hard on- I feel it undermines their hard work and takes the power out of their hands (meaning they say they can't do it next time) We either do it together or I leave it.

So now I am curious what you do! (And kinda curious if you think I am working my kiddos to death...?)

Eta:After reading this post with Mya she insisted we include a video of her vacuuming. So if you want 2 minutes of raw vacuum action...

I basically posted that for Grandma to watch :)

Big Sis

2010-10-03T11:54:00.000-05:00

Hillary turned 31 yesterday!

I am really trying to focus on handmade stuff this year and for her birthday I made her some fingerless gloves. I am hoping that she has plenty of time to wear them before it gets too cold.

I am finding the bonus of making handmade stuff is that I think about that person when I work on the project. Its been really fun to focus on Hillary. As far as big sister's go, she is the epitome of cool.

Hillary is the kind of older sister that when you have two girls of your own, you hope your older daughter will be that kind of sister to the younger one. Sure, we had our teenage moments, but the ones that stick out are where she stuck up for me. Where she included me. Where we formed an alliance to torture our brother or scare Heidi to death. She is authentic and secure with who she is. She is involved and enjoys being present. She loves life. Period.

Playing soccer with her the last year before we moved was like going back in time. She has way better moves than me, but those times when we could both get out there and run the ball were some of my favorite. It took me back to the days when we would play on the same team and I was in her shadow but had her to aspire to be like. As an adult I can see how beneficial it was to have someone like her to look up to. It made me work harder to be more like her, or accept my limitations and find other areas where I could flourish. Back then it was frustrating, but hindsight has taught me that it is fortunate to have someone to look up to!

Love you Hillary!

Jobs vs Chores

2010-10-02T07:45:00.042-05:00

There has been a lot of talk around these parts of money and kids. More specifically, teaching kids the value of money. Daily chores and if allowance really teaches them about money (something for nothing?) and then the whole art of saving. Not to mention the random times when Grandma sends a buck with a note, just for fun!

Growing up we didn't really do allowance. I have a foggy memory of a quarter jar. It started with $5 or so worth of quarters and depending on our behavior and/or job performance quarters were taken out. Something like that. I quickly learned that I didn't miss a quarter at a time. A quarter versus unloading the dishwasher? That's a worthy trade! It wasn't the motivator my parents hoped for and I think it fizzled out for all of us. (Plus my brother and I were enemies until I was 13; $5 rarely made it through a week of our arguments anyway.)

What I remember are job lists. My mom would have a list on the fridge with non-chore jobs and a monetary amount next to them to earn money. I think of the 4 of us, I crossed more items off that job list than my three siblings combined. Clean out the fridge for $5...yes please! My favorite was to vacuum and clean out the car- that was $10 and I was efficient! Baseboards, cleaning out kitchen cabinets, the game closet. The list changed often and we weren't allowed to do a list item until our chores were finished. It was my only source of income until I got a job working for a telephone survey place at 15, at which point getting $5 for the fridge seemed like highway robbery :)

For now we are sticking with chores being done because they live here, because they are part of the family. They are so very good about their daily chores that I fear rocking that boat! The biggest area of contention is their bedroom. I firmly believe that everyone should have a space they can keep how they want. With them...it is still a learning process and one I am happy to help guide. I don't want to strong arm them, more to value the clear space. So we are going to have a chart that they get a sticker on and if they (teamwork!) go the whole week with the floor picked up by bedtime, they get...something. A trip to feed the ducks? Family movie night? A trinket out of a treasure box of some sort? Maybe I should let them decide... It all resets on Saturday (so if they opted to not clean all week...Saturday is going to be one hairy cleaning day) and they get another week to try again. I am hoping their age and lack of advanced deductive reasoning will help them not figure out that a weeks worth of a clean room is hardly worth a trinket from a treasure box :)

PS. I am learning that the flip side of them having the responsibility of chores for so long is that they are hard little workers. A chance to finally get a payoff for some elbow grease and Mya has plans to nickle and dime me into some big ticket items. How empowering is that for a 6 year old?

PenPal

2010-10-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

$400 Hand Cramp

2010-09-25T00:45:00.003-05:00

Another volunteer and I have been sorting and cutting and reporting

the Box Tops 4 Education that were turned in over the summer and then

forgotten. Someone almost threw them away thinking most of them would

be expired and not worth the time. Craziness! Today was our final

push, the date we set for ourselves to be finished. My hand hurts from

all the clipping. My eyes hurt from checking tiny dates. But it was

worth it...$417.80 for the school. Well worth it!

*blogged this from my phone...technology is a wonder.

Finding Happy Things

2010-09-23T08:25:00.000-05:00

It has been a really emotional week for me. Monday morning I found out my cousin's husband died over the weekend. Colton was in a car accident on Friday and passed away Sunday. Stacie is oh so young (21!) and they have two small kids- a 3 year old girl and 6 month old little boy. Devastating. My heart hurts for her and those kids and her whole family. I was lamenting to a friend yesterday that I can't get it out of my head and she suggested finding happy little things in my life to be grateful for and to record them.

Kaylee's spunk. If I am going to have a "shadow" all day, I am fortunate to have such a vibrant and happy one. She is three and a half and seriously is just so sweet and funny. It's not the typical intense third year I was anticipating.
Linc's dedication to our stable financial future. We have been talking a lot about wants vs needs, long term and short term goals for our family. Time and time again I am struck by the wisdom and foresight he has and is willing to share with me, patiently. I am getting it and it makes me happy.
Cool mornings. Kaylee and I have been walking Mya to school (30 minutes round trip!) and they are both digging the early morning energy burn. They run/race ahead to certain points and then stretch while I catch up. This morning I could hear Mya, "Did you know walking is the BEST way to be healthy Kaylee?"
Signs of fall. They might be tiny (a few leaves on a tree at a time) but they are showing up. I miss the mountains and the crispness in the air, but I am excited to see what autumn means here.
This song makes me so very happy. Mindy Gledhill's voice is just amazing. I watched the video last night. Several times. And then again this morning. Several times. I want to live in it (but without the butterfly wings...)
Mya loves to read and is cruising through the books we have for her. I love listening to her read funny books because she tries to keep reading through the giggles.
Family walks after dinner. We have really great walking paths around our neighborhood that are shady and interesting. Last night the weather was excellent and so many families were out enjoying a stroll. Perfection!
Essential oils. Jenica found some info on an essential oil blend to help with bells palsy. Since I started using it, my hands and feet have not been bugging me. At all. Oh happy day! Every time I knit or crochet I smile that I don't have to stop from pain.
Technology makes me happy. Without it I would fail in keeping in touch with my family and friends like I do. Good news and bad news, I am so very happy I have it at my fingertips!
AmyM sent me a mix cd...called it Delicious Fall. It is seriously one of the best mixed cds I have ever received. I think it is a gift to arrange songs how she did. It has been the soundtrack to this tender week for me an that makes me so very happy.

Not an Insect

2010-09-22T16:37:00.000-05:00

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein

Yesssss.

Get on this thought train

2010-09-16T21:09:00.000-05:00

Feeling very random today.
I am finally in place that I want to post more. It isn't really that I have been avoiding blogging, just a lot of heavy stuff going on in my heart and head so the trivial stuff seems just that. Trivial.
I am really good at appearing to be cool as a cucumber but struggling inside. I guess I keep my weakness close to my heart. Guarded. That and I like to work through my issues rather than sit and stew in them. I fear that is good and bad.
I have felt better lately. I think I can chalk it up to the volunteering I have been doing. I have known for along time that I am an acts of service kinda gal. You would think all the service that encompasses mothering and running a household would satisfy this need and then some. But it doesn't. I see what I do within the home and as what is expected as my role...whereas volunteering is something outside my circle. I am surprised it took me this long to realize that!
That being said...I have the tendency to burn out. I have been at Mya's school doing various things about four days a week since the second week of school. I can easily see how jumping in would get overwhelming and I really don't want to burn out. So I am going to cut it back to three times a week and see how that does.
I think it builds character to be charitable with what you have...be it time, money, talent etc. Just give! I have time and talent to give so I do. But then I wonder if service needs to be more selfless and if I should be doing more and stretching more in the areas that it isn't easy.
Sometimes I hate when my brain goes to places like that...I know I am doing enough. Why does it feel like I should be doing more?
All the volunteer things I do I bring Kaylee along. So far she loves it!
It will always amaze me how a little service goes a long way for my mood. I feel like the old me and the days that I have been helping at her school, I just soar the rest of the day!
I love Mya's teacher. LOVE. She has really been awesome with this transition for Mya. We are going to have a fantastic year with her.
I caught the crochet bug right before my mom and aunt came...and they were able to answer quite a few questions for me. I love the look of knitting more, but some things it doesn't seem to matter, and crocheting is MUCH quicker. I am just so thrilled it finally clicked.
They also helped me figure out my sewing machine. Now I am a sewing fool!
Since we listed our house for sale in February...I have rocked as far as household chores and such go. I am so grateful for the experience of having to have my house ready to show everyday because it made me realize how doable having a neat and tidy house is.
Moving has been the best thing for de-junking. I know the ages of my girls has something to do with that, but attitude has been everything to me. It feels like quite the epiphany to enjoy keeping up with a tidy house. I find I actually have more time to do what we want to do rather than less. Funny how that works.
I think I have all my handmade Christmas ideas mapped out and it feels totally doable. My goal is to be done with the handmade things before Thanksgiving. I love that not only have I figured it out...but I am truly excited about all the ideas!
Before I can work on that, I need to tackle birthday presents for my sisters and Rebecca because birthday alley is coming. I hope they love what is in store!
Have you heard of Hyperbole and a Half? THIS had to be my most favorite of her entries. I seriously can just scroll through the awesome paint pictures and can't contain the giggle fit. She cracks me up and always boosts my mood!
I don't like posting something longish without a picture:

Linc is teaching Mya to cross stitch. She made this on her own...I love that there is a "key" at the top for the colors she used. Or a legend...as her geeky dad phrased it.

Ick- Enough!

2010-09-08T14:56:00.001-05:00

Sometimes when I haven't visited this space for a long time, I forget how to re-connect. It's like when a lot of time goes by since you talked to an old friend even though you think about them every day and want to get in touch with them...for whatever reason you don't.

It gets awkward right? As the days tick by and you don't really know how to go about picking up where you left off. Do you drop by with a peace offering? Call or send an email admitting what an idiot you have been for losing touch? Write on their Face Book wall? If you are lucky enough, they feel guilty as well...and you pick up where you left off, friendship sins forgiven :)

Life is good. Great really! I want to pick up where I left off, but am choosing to not be overwhelmed. So I leave this peace offering for those that stop by:

Mmmm. We have been doing the doughnut/kolache thing on weekends. Saturday mornings, bright and early. The girls of course love the indulgence, I love starting the weekend off early with his hand in mine. I had never had a kolache until we moved here...seems they are part and parcel to the doughnut shops. Wicked smart! My favorite is the sausage and cheese...and then a blueberry cake doughnut to round it out. Cause I am all about balance :)

PS. My mom and Aunt Barb will be here in less than 24 hours! I've never really had visitors until we moved here, I totally love it!

Random- It's what I do best!

2010-07-22T09:48:00.005-05:00

I have been working on this post for like 3 days...I just keep getting pulled away and then I am too busy at night.
Busy at night training for a sprint-tri and the Tough Mudder...oh, it's happening! Got a few people here on board and I am so excited and freaked out at the same time :)
I feel like such a present mother here. At home and away. I just dig the ages they are and want to (mostly- these girls talk a lot) soak up all they have to say.

There are a couple splash parks around here...this one is a winner. It was SO busy on Sunday so we are going to try again during the week. Best part...it's free!
Last night (this would have actually been Sunday night...told ya it's been a few days) we took the girls out to dinner and when I asked them to get their shoes on they got pretty excited that we might be going to the store to get stuff FOR dinner. It makes me smile that going out to eat is something we don't do often and that when we do, it's a total treat for them and they are well behaved and oh so polite.
While unpacking, I went through all our clothes...like everything. It took me about half the day because of the stop and start business of mothering. It feels SO good to have it done. Now to just make it to the GoodWill drop off...

The good thing about having your laptop in the kitchen on the counter next to the microwave is that when your coffee gets cold because you are chatting/blogging/searching...you don't have to get up to give it a little warmth.
I have had time to get back into reading again and it feels so good. Like putting on your favorite pair of cozy socks when the weather is finally cold enough to justify them. Sooo missed it.
I started watching the show Bones on Netflix. I adore Zooey Deschanel...and this has her sister Emily as the lead. It is such a guilty pleasure show....at least for me. A little too predictable, but put it in the background of me working up in the loft and I am sucked in. I think I watched 6 episodes yesterday/last night.
There are two things I can not seem to find after all the unpacking- our memory card reader for our camera and the glass round plate thing that goes in the microwave. How random is that last one? Like...where would I have packed it other than the kitchen boxes? I don't remember/can't imagine leaving it out for something special...freaking weird.
Linc found an affordable (hard to do here compared to Utah!) piano teacher and had his first lesson last Saturday. I love that she comes here...the girls and I take off to the pool and he joins us after. It's been awesome to hear him practice.

The loft has turned into the play room while we have been unpacking the rest of the house. I think it might be time to tackle it, don't you?
Every once and a while I give up coffee. I don't know why I do it- it isn't like I drink it a ton. After a couple days my hands start to really feel pinched and headaches will set in. The headache part always makes me think it is an addiction so I should just carry on and cut it all the way out. But then I am popping Advil or Excedrin like crazy...and coffee is better for me than that. I drank half a cup and my headache was gone and my hands felt awesome. WHY do I forget this? All things in moderation.
Been reading about barefoot running. Playing around with it for funsies. I really like the concept and my joints feel good. I don't know that I would ever do it on the hot Austin asphalt, but in the grass I am loving it. I kinda want to try those 5Fingers shoes, but I have wide feet and from reviews, I hear that doesn't work so well. I wish I could just rent some!

We have several things on our list of items to claim as damaged...the saddest for me is that part of the sewing machine that Jo Ann gave me broke off. They had the box turned upside down and something really heavy on it. It is a molded piece, so it isn't like I can order a new one. I was really looking forward to teaching M & K a thing or two on that machine. Linc is going to try to glue it or something and we shall see. Sadface.
We are picking up Grandma Jo from the airport in about 2 hours...then she is here until the 31st. Can't wait! (I keep almost giving the surprise away...so those 2 hours need to speed up!)

I kinda love having a spiral staircase. My ankles...not so much. I keep catching them on the edge as I am going down them. Right now my left ankle is sporting a good gash and some pretty bruising. What's a girl to do?

Strong

2010-07-18T07:46:00.016-05:00

A lot of the personal goals I am making are physical ones. The last few months in Utah I put working out on the back burner. I don't regret it in the sense of time spent with the people I love, but I do in the sense of feeling like I am starting over as far as how 'not strong' I feel. Everyday weakness, like carrying groceries or a pile of folding chairs...I can tell a difference. It is interesting to me how quickly you can go from doing what you do and it being normal to it slowly leaving you over time and then one day it just occurs to you that "Oh...I didn't work and challenge my body so it has slowly decided to weaken. Hmm. Oooops..."

The beauty of this is that bodies are adaptable. I was strong, now I am not as strong, but I have the tools and the drive to take back what was mine! I know that I like being strong and that losing weight and being "skinny" isn't what motivates me. It is a lot of hard work, but I think I needed this reminder of what it feels like to essentially start over. Instead of seeing it as a million steps back I can see myself as a blank slate. I can shape and rebuild however I want. That feels powerful! I not only need that mindset physically, but emotionally right now. Moving here is starting over in so many ways and instead of letting the change consume me, I am taking the blank slate route. Again- feels powerful :)

Yesterday I went on a long bike ride, getting a little lost in this new area with the one way roads and I ended up going about 6 miles further than I had planned, a little more than 24 total. (Did I mention how it is so very hilly here?) I am crazy sore today, but have this silly grin on my face. I used to be able to knock out 24 miles easy (granted it wasn't so hilly in Utah), but yesterday it was a challenge that I just powered through cause I had no other choice- I needed to get back to where I started. With some time and sweat I am going to get back to being as strong as I was. Just gotta power through it.

PS. I am going to need all the kick ass strength I can get since I am going to do the Tough Mudder in February...and AmyW is going to come do it with me. Any other takers? We have plenty of room for muddy and non muddy guests alike :)

Busy Weekending

2010-07-17T07:06:00.019-05:00

Linc keeps throwing things out there that he wants to do this weekend and my head is full of what I had planned, what he has planned, and what we are all doing together. So why not write it down eh?

Saturday
Girls call Grandma Jo while I do dishes and clean up kitchen
Workout (bike then swim laps me thinks)
Piano lessons for Linc
Swimming for us so the house is quiet during lessons
Unpacking the garage and helping Linc get his shop set up (the amount of sweat involved with this is proof how much I adore him)
Laundry throughout the day (its bedding time!)
Have Linc hang things up around the house (the list has grown from the other day)
Linc playing disc golf tonight with some buddies for 18 baskets...or are they called holes?
Take the girls to feed the ducks while he plays
Then unpack more of the loft after I get them to bed
Maybe go watch Inception after he gets home from discing (I can not wait to see this movie!)

Sunday
Mow and edge the back yard (the front is huge and I ran out of time Thursday)
Check out a new (to us- but what isn't?) splash pad a mom at the pool was telling Linc about
Hopefully a new road bike for Linc so he can start riding to work :)
Painting class for me (its free and at the library...and it actually looks pretty freaking cool)
Return and pick up books on hold at the library
Make lunch and dinner in there somewhere (Or go out. They have tons of places here that have kids eat free...like really, really good places. Yes please!)
Linc is gunna start making bread on Sundays again (he is sooo good) I want cinnamon swirl bread- no raisins thankyou.
Workout...thinking weight lifting with a run to the rec center. Or a long bike ride.
New goggles and a dive weight thing for Mya
Take the girls to the pool for some family swimming
Clean bathrooms
Finish up laundry
Finish up any unpacking (and fill out our claim form- I so wish there wasn't so much to list!)
Run errands (I have a mega list of random things we need after unpacking it all. I like that it is all written down)
Game night with the girls
Movie night with Linc
Collapse into bed with the feeling of deserving a good nights rest

What are your weekend plans?

love...

2010-07-16T17:57:00.001-05:00

Today I love...

That they set up the Ladybug Game and then asked me to come play. Then cleaned it right up. It is so awesome that they are both old enough to play a lot of games now. Uno has been the favorite lately.

The man at the store that helped me un-stick our cart. You know those giant kid-carts where they have room to sit? I get them stuck all the time cause they are needlessly long (but it is worth the kids being quiet and happy in their spots). Today this older dude put his basket down and rushed over with a smile on his face and helped me out, then stuck around to tell the girls how gorgeous they are. And both the girls just smiled and said "Thank you..."

How well behaved my kids are in general. They are just SO good in public and it is strange to get comments from other shoppers, commending them for their patience/manners/cuteness. I am thinking since there are not a TON of other kids here they stick out. Whatever it is, today I love that they get noticed for the good reasons :)

How people drive here. It is like no one is in a hurry. They use blinkers, give you plenty of room to merge in, LET you merge in instead of speeding up. It makes any of the errands I do have to run a little less stressful.

Linc and his nerd "sports". He and his buddy/co-worker Sean have taken up disc golfing. I just don't see the appeal, but of course I love to support his interests and I hope he gets a lot of practice in this weekend!

Today is Friday...so many possibilities for the weekend and spending it with the three I love the most. That right there is enough to love about today without all the other stuff <3

Support

2010-07-15T15:09:00.013-05:00

I am just so grateful for him. This move has been hard in unexpected ways for me. Choices made, working through some of my own issues, needing to be weak and sometimes wanting to wallow in my own pity. Linc has held my hand along the way, let me be sad, let me be lonely and need him, let me do what I needed to do to adjust. After our stuff got here and I physically crashed, he insisted I rest and recoup. When I was stuck in the muck of doing nothing for a couple weeks, he picked up the slack and then some- both around the house and with the girls.

We had one discussion where the frustrations of having a depressed wife were getting to him (we aren't used to me being low and weak and unmotivated) and he quickly apologized, knowing full well that I didn't want to feel that way. That I wished I could just snap out of it. I love that he knows me like that- knows that I would never in a million years choose to be that way.

(this was right after he walked with his graduation class...I still can't believe he did the stache and chops...and that it lasted longer than just graduation :P)

Within the next two days, I felt better. Like a fog had lifted and I was motivated and got busy unpacking and filling my days with making this place feel more like home. This weekend we will finish up the garage and then be done unpacking. What a roller coaster 6 weeks can be!

Today I feel like me again- totally! It feels kind of unreal to look at those first 4 weeks and see just how low I was. It was a glimpse into what depression is like (even if it was more of situational depression) and made me more empathetic to those who deal with it on a regular bases, and even more to their spouses (and kids!) It feels so good to look forward and to live in the moment instead of just feeling stuck. I am busy making personal goals and I know he is right here next to me encouraging me to exceed my own expectations. Linc makes me feel like a force to be reckoned with! I am so very lucky to have him...

...even when I ask him to send me a quick SP and he gets all serious on me...xo

Link a Dink

2010-07-14T08:59:00.001-05:00

Finding inspiration and awesome images and just cool stuff all around lately:

I made this watermelon limeade. I didn't add the rosemary, but I can see how it would be sooo good. I like limeade more than lemonade and I love watermelon so it was a match made in heaven for me. I also didn't strain it cause I like texture ;)

I came across this link while artist hopping, I have never seen anything like it! The art alone is cool to me, but the fact that it is his blood is rather creepy/cool to me. And now I want to know his process.

Linc sent me to this site about a hard core obstacle course they do here in Austin. 10 miles and some really hard/fun/crazy looking stops. The only one that scares me is #17. Oh, and the mystery one. I think I would have to pick between this or the Austin marathon later that month...but I don't know. I like mud.

I have been doing these standing braces for the last 10 days and I can tell a huge difference in my core strength and balance. Try them!

This Dad Life video is too funny. If you don't check out any other link- go there. My favorite line is at the end..."playin' rough, fixin' stuff." The old guy is creepy.

I think this is beautiful and something I am really working on. Just being kinder in general...to myself and my kids and my husband, family and friends and those around me. Love wins and I want kindness to come close behind.

May 5th

2010-07-13T09:44:00.009-05:00

One final self portrait with my girlies on the porch of our house before leaving the keys. I am surprised I didn't tear up. I think all the work that goes into selling and moving and cleaning a house must block some of the emotion of it. I was relieved it was over!

I love that I will be able to show the girls this picture when they are older. I like being able to see how old they were at this transition stage. Mya was 11 months old when we moved into this house. She will be 6 at the end of this month. Wow.

It was a fun (as long as you don't ask Linc!) first house to own. Over time we were starting to make it our own. We replaced almost everything except the walls and fire place....crazy! I miss my orange and yellow walls. The toy room and all the natural light. I will always have the memories of learning to be a mom under that roof. It is what this house will always mean to me- the blank slate of coming into my motherhood groove.

Manic Monday

2010-07-12T10:02:00.002-05:00

I am getting so much done today. It's 10am and not only have I gotten my list for today DONE, I have added 6 things, and done several that were not even ON the list. Hello superman Monday!
I read this book and now I am convinced I can train for a sprint triathlon. With enthusiastic urging from my tri-superstar friend Amy, I think I have the tools and the knowledgeable support. Starting today. Eeeeep!
We are almost done unpacking and unearthing and assembling our life. It feels so good to be able to walk around and see fewer things to do (and to walk around without having to go around boxes!). The garage is the last big hurrah, and even that we worked about half way through last week.
My washer and dryer are in my garage. I love/hate it. It is muggy in there with this southern heat and I am used to a "room" where I can toss stuff and shut the door. Behavior changes are in the works. I do love that the noise is out of the house, and our garage always smells laundry fresh!
I made cookie dough this morning and didn't eat any of it. It's sitting in my fridge right now. Waiting for them to want cookies. If it makes it to Saturday, I might have some. In the meantime I have plenty of fruit to satisfy my sweet tooth...right?
I guess the loft is also on the list of the last hurrah's. Because the stairs are a narrow spiral, I have had to unpack boxes and take things up by themselves basically. That is a lot of up and down. My butt better be thanking me.
Finally made a list of all the things I need hung up around here and bought some drywall anchors. I am sure Linc will love my organized and specific list when he gets home :)
And then he will tell me he needs his tape measure that we can't seem to find. Anywhere.
I have gotten so used to having a house with nothing then having too much that it feels so good for things to be in their place and to just have this CLEAN and organized place. Maybe selling a house and having to keep things spic and span really did teach me more than I bargained for. So grateful.
Have had this song in my head for a couple days. And this one. I am so into mellow music right now. And the Weepies in general.
Jo Ann will be here in 10 days...the girls have no idea! I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when we pick her up from the airport. She is staying until the end of the month...we will be ready!
Did you read this post about Jessie's mantra? I can not stop thinking about it. "A little now will save me from a lot later." What is not to love about that thought process?!
I don't want to end on an odd number....which I know could be fixed by changing the numbers to bullet points...or not writing this. But now I have written this one and why waste that?
I am tossing the idea around of running this in February (it is Linc's fault). If I think about it now, put it out there, it is more likely to happen, right?

Happy Monday!

The Sleeping Files

2010-07-12T09:03:00.000-05:00

I have a weird obsession with taking pics of my girls sleeping. (more Kaylee as she is still in the napping stage) Mostly in the car. I call these the sleeping files...and I know in 3-5 years that I am going to be so grateful I took them.

This one, though blurry, is one of my favorites. It was the day our stuff got here and she was in her closet experiencing toy overload...and fell asleep.

Camping

2010-07-11T08:42:00.001-05:00

I am going through all the pics on my cellphone from the last few months...there is a lot I want to record. A lot of living those last months in Utah! I really wanted to head down to our cabin one last time before we moved. It was Kaylee's first trip and we were lucky enough to have Hillary and Randy join us, then my parents later. The weather was beautiful for April!

There is a little park at the base of the canyon you drive by on the way up that the girls wanted to check out. It has always been there, I can't count the number of times we have all played kickball from me being a kid up until the last time I went when extended family was there.

They had never been on a merry go round before...Mya loved it. Kaylee, not so much. It was cracking me up how he would run around (cause I don't do well with motion sickness) and get going so fast he'd slip up and fall. That is dad-dedication to the fun if I have ever seen it.

When I look at this pic all I can see is how relaxed his eyes are. This is a few months post-graduation and he was so relaxed and collected and just present all weekend.

I love that she is old enough to get in on the fun of camp cooking. I love it so.

Lots of hikes and exploring. Kaylee kept saying "Let's go exploding again!" Kid talk cracks me up.

I think we both spent a lot of QT with each of the girls together and separetly. They needed it. We needed it.

In some ways the first two days before my family arrived felt like a little trial run for moving here. The four of us...no Grandma's, no aunts or uncles. It was bliss and gave me confidence that we really did make the right decision. But man...looking back I so miss this place!

M&K

2010-07-10T08:29:00.000-05:00

The thing I am the most grateful for in moving here has been to watch these two. In some ways, they are all the other has right now and we have literally watched their sister bond grow and solidify in the weeks we have been here. They have each others back, rarely argue, play together for hours without stopping and really just take care of one another. I makes this mama's heart swell to see it. xo

Right Now

2010-07-09T10:15:00.002-05:00

I am...

seeing...tan lines on all of us

forgiving...of myself and others

enjoying...quiet moments with myself and my family

learning...who we all are as this unit of four

hopeful...after our first successful game night with friends last night

lighter...~18 pounds since moving here

excited...to have so much time to explore different ways to exercise

allowed...to make mistakes and learn from them

looking...ahead instead of back

lonely...but its getting easier

missing...my family, my mom more than I thought possible

grateful... to have grown up in an unconditional household

happy...that Skype exists and that my family is happy to indulge us

humbled...to have a husband that has swooped me up and taken care of me since we got here

planning...to see all my family here in November (wheee!)

lucky...for the timing of Heidi's visit

standing...and walking out instead of floating in a sea of depression

feeling...like I am in a really good place right now...even if it is in some kind of middle space (she has such a way with words and her timing with her post couldn't be better)

Random Cell Pics

2010-07-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Tinker toy weapons...what every young girl needs "just in case". I don't know why they wanted to make them, but I was more than happy to assist. I love the sword Kaylee made and most of all, Mya's bow and arrows...oh, and the ninja star. Add in the spear, nun chuck and gun and we have an arsenal. Sweeeet.

Heidi was here last weekend. It was a short, short visit (she was actually in Dallas and drove down with her friend Vanessa Friday night and stayed until Sunday afternoon). Heidi is seriously the most amazing person ever. The older we get, the more I am seeing this. It's humbling to learn so much from your little sister.

Kaylee is thriving here. She is at my favorite age...three year olds make me swoon. Her sense of humor is coming along nicely and she is just so...big. I love the ages they are both at. The freedom of no diapers and no need for naps. They don't need snacks and are both great eaters. Its just awesome and I think has made this last month here easier.

Grandma Jo sent a few stray toys left at her house to the girls and threw in some fruit snacks for fun. This is what happens when fruit snacks sit in a metal mailbox all day...freaking cool right? They were totally gel and so I stuck them in the fridge overnight to set back up. Mmmm.

Swimming!

2010-07-07T21:28:00.003-05:00

The girls started swimming lessons yesterday and man is it fun to watch them both. I sat on the sidelines to try and get a couple shots/vids with my phone. They aren't that great- but I know our family will dig them!

Mya is the one on the end on the right with the goggles :)

I don't remember ever taking lessons as a kid. I know how to not drown and all, but formal lessons...I don't recall. I am in the pool a lot and kinda digging it. If I can get the whole stroke thing figured out, I am really looking forward to adding swimming to my usual exercise mix. Maybe throwing a mini triathalon in there for fun. I totally have the time to train, so it seems a shame not to take the opportunity and run (bike and swim) with it :)

Linc is totally in the water by the line watching...cracks me up.

How it Goes

2010-06-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

Our stuff got here Thursday! I spent the morning playing a twisted game of bingo, checking box numbers off as the two workers brought things in the house. It felt surreal to see our stuff again! Some of it had been boxed or stored in Jo Ann's garage since February!

Thursday evening I was exhausted. Like- more than normal exhaustion. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Went to bed early-ish, hardly unpacked a thing. Woke up Friday feeling like I had been hit by a bus. Oye! There is never a good time to get sick, but this is ridiculous. Wait 20 days to get our stuff and then be too weak/pained/nauseous/tired to do a damn thing about it?!? I have to laugh, otherwise I think I would cry.

Luckily for me, I married the right dude. He has been super dad and unpack-er extraordinaire today. I slept about 12 hours last night and napped off and on today and so far I feel about the same. Not sure how that is possible. But I am listening to my body...

It's funny to me is that he acts like he expected this. It's how my body responds to stress though- when I think about it. I hold it together and then after a long haul of it, once it sees an opening etc, my body crashes. When will I learn? I need to feel better by Monday- so send your healthy vibes this way if you don't mind.

If I am going to be sick, I am so grateful to have my bed and couches to be pathetic on ;)

Random Update

2010-06-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

Our stuff still hasn't arrived. We have been here two weeks now and it is getting old, but what can we do? Rumor has it that we should have it by Thursday.
Heidi is coming to visit next week with a friend of hers. She is flying into Dallas then driving down. I can't wait. I am hoping our stuff is here, and that her coming is motivation to get a lot unpacked this weekend.
I am getting tired of swimming. We have been going every.single.day. Without our stuff it seems like one of the only options. I didn't take them yesterday and might wait until Linc is off work today to go.
Both girls are signed up for swim lessons- they start on the 6th. We have never done the swim lesson thing because I haven't been the swimming pool mom. Now that this has changed I feel bad Mya is kinda behind her peers.
Hillary and Randy (and hopefully the rest of my family) are coming down early November for a week. Woohoo! It is going to be a cozy fit if they all make it, but man I am excited!
Kaylee woke up yesterday with 54 mosquito bites. 54! She and I are for sure getting more than the other two. Poor kiddo was a feast! I sprayed their room last night and such- no new bites today. I hope it was a fluke night.
I've been pretty lonely lately. Just going through the motions of the day with the girls and being the entertainer and having a big empty house = no good! I need to snap out of it.
I miss baking. I keep thinking of things to make and then going "oh ya..." Soooon! And then I will have a bite and send the goods to work with Linc so I don't eat my way through the summer.
I can't get enough cottage cheese lately. It's all I want. Plain, with yogurt, pineapple, cucumber chips...the list goes on. I feel like it is sustaining me. Weird when I want to bake so badly eh?
I have been working out in the mornings and so far I dig it. Getting back on track feels oh so good.
Today should be the last laundromat day. As much as I love the efficiency, I want my washer and dryer. And fridge. And table and chairs. A couch wouldn't be bad either- ya know, since I am on the subject.
Is it Thursday yet?

Tribe

2010-06-14T08:29:00.000-05:00

It started with Jenica...last February. She found me on Facebook and things haven't been the same since. We knew each other in high school...but realized only peripherally now that we have hashed out those years. I don't think we were right for each other back then...but I think we needed each other this year. I needed her.

A few months later Jenica introduced me to AmyW. They met at a Squam art workshop thing and I will never forget the first time I met Amy. I was meeting Jenica at Amy's house in SLC for our first RAW night and I got there before J- so Amy and I got to talking. Like really, really talking. No weirdness, no small talk. We both dove in and trusted and have never looked back.

Then last fall AmyM joined the mix. I have known Amy since that first blog party so very long ago. I got to know her a lot better through our blogger bookclub and then one night while up in SLC I called her to see if she could meet me for a movie and we ended up getting coffee/hot chocolate for a few hours and talked and talked. I think that night changed our dynamic and I only wish I would have hit her up years earlier. We were meant to be friends!

Now it's just these three...I asked them to give me a sad "she's moving face"...cracks me up. This is really more their/our style:

I have never laughed so much over such wonderfully silly things as I have with these three. All the time.

These are my girls. This tribe of women I didn't realize I needed. We have laughed and cried and shared so much in such a short amount of time and it feels like ages. They each add so much to my life in such different ways that it is hard to imagine where I would be without them. They nursed me through Linc's last semester of school, through the decision to move, supporting me along the way, sharing in the sadness of one of us moving, sharing in the excitement of the future. They got my back, even 1266 miles away.

I wanted a last hurrah with the four of us before I moved, complete with pics. I didn't expect them to turn out like this- at all. So many of them take my breath away because it is SO us and so them. These images along with the memories of this little photo shoot will carry me through until I see them again. I know they will keep that 4th spot warm for me.

Goodbye Bash!

2010-06-13T16:53:00.000-05:00

(All pics by John McKenzie...Jenica's husband)

Friday night before we left, Hillary threw us a going away bash complete with food, friends, family and live music.

I had toyed around with the idea of doing something at the park and inviting whoever to come just so I could hopefully have time to see more people off, so when she offered it was a relief and far cooler than anything I would have thrown together.

I thought it would be really hard to see and say goodbye to so many people and at about noon I was cursing myself, wondering why I thought this was a good idea. It was like I forgot how awesome these people are and why I am friends with them. They bring out an enthusiasm in me and it was a night full of laughter and few tears.

Hillary and Randy are in a band together with his sister and a good friend. They sounded amazing and having live music was the perfect background to visit and laugh. They seriously were so good :)

It's amazing to me to know so many people from so many different areas of your life and see them come together to wish you well. It's humbling. A while ago I posted about wanting to collect good people in my life- wanting to be worthy of collecting the good ones. It's humbling to look at these pictures and see that I have done just that. I am so grateful.

I love that John got so many pictures of people leaving the party. I think this is why this party worked for me...much easier to say goodbye as they needed to go and see them off rather than a bunch of people seeing us off.

I am grateful so many people came...thankyouthankyouthankyou for the closure. The friendship and support. For all the memories from this night and back. Thank you...

Austin Livin'

2010-06-13T16:09:00.000-05:00

There is so much to write about- I feel like I need to catch up on the last two months of my life! Is it easier to go backwards? I have few pictures because we don't have our desktop here yet so I can't upload.

We left Utah last Saturday- June 5th, and arrived Monday afternoon. The drive was pretty great- our girls are made for road trips! We detoured through Colorado and stayed in Durango so I could meet up with Lucy. So worth the little bit of extra time in the car. Durango is beautiful and Lucy is one of my favorite people- one of the reasons I am glad that I got on this whole blogging band wagon. She is good people!

As of today, our stuff hasn't arrived yet...something about the moving company not having a driver yet. So we have been here almost a week while our stuff sits in Utah. Hilarious. It feels like we are camping out in our house, going to the store daily to get stuff for dinner because we don't have our fridge yet (European no?) and just making it work. We have bought a few things here and there. Linc had this whole last week off so it has been nice to explore our neighborhood and new city with our family in tact.

I LOVE our new neighborhood. We have the library at the top of our street, swimming pools and parks and volleyball right across the street. It's quiet and friendly and active. Perfect. I can't wait to blog more about it when I can get more pics on here.

(Photo- John McKenzie)

Right now I am so happy to be here (and tired...none of us are sleeping well without our stuff). I think the last two weeks were so emotionally overwhelming for me that I got it all out of my system so I could really soak up this first week here with Linc and the girls. I am looking forward to more down time to write, to blog, to workout, to paint, to parent, to explore this new life. So maybe down time isn't the right word...just space. I am looking forward to filling this space in my life with whatever new things we want. So happy we took this opportunity... this adventure.

2(+) weeks!

2010-05-20T15:45:00.000-05:00

June 5th we are hitting the road and as of June 7th will be moving into our new place in Austin!
Austin with Linc last weekend was excellent! We found the house the first day and aside from paperwork, we had the rest of the weekend to do as we pleased. And we did.
I love the house we are renting. I think we both felt it when we saw the pics before, but driving up and walking it, I got goosebumps (hard to do in the heat!)
I think I keep cycling through the stages of grief over moving. It's weird because it isn't like anyone is dying or anything. Emotions are so extreme.
Part of me wants time to slow and the other part wants the 5th to just get here so I don't have to prolong the goodbyes and the "this will be the last time we..." moments. They hurt my heart.
I love my friends and family. SO much. I know this is hard for them- it's hard being left behind (Jessie's move taught me that!) They have made this easier on me than it should be...and I am grateful.
I love day dreaming about Linc and me and our girls and the life we will have together. It has still felt so transitional since he graduated. Can't wait to dig in deep...but I kinda can :)

Update

2010-05-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

We moved out of our house on May 3rd...cleaned with Jenica on May 4th...gave the keys over on May 5th. Happy Cinco de Mayo!
All our belongings are in Jo Ann's garage and we are staying with her. The girls are thrilled and we are lucky to have her.
I took some final pictures (self portraits and ones of the girls) of the empty house...I only teared up a little. I wish I could upload them.
I have been computerless for far too long. At least I can use the internet at my parents!
I've driven by the house once. It felt disconnected. Which I think is good, right?
Linc and I are heading to Austin on Thursday to find a new place. It's kinda fun to look at the options online and be selective.
I can not wait to have 5 days without kids. It's been stressful with all the hub-bub, for them and me.
Linc turned 30 yesterday! It was weird to balance Mother's Day and his big day, as well as celebrating his sister's birthday from the week before. I just figure we will make up for it later this week :)
He also walked with his graduation class on the 30th of April. 5 years ago we thought there was no way he was going to graduate before he was thirty, but he made it :)
The transition to Grandma's house has had its kinks, but its been good. The difference from our rules to her rules and making those concessions when needed.
I am seriously excited to rent for a bit. Save more and more so we can put more down and pay off our next house faster.
It feels weird being homeless...and staying with his mom. I never thought we would ever need to stay with family. So lucky that we can.
Looking at my calendar, we have about 4 weeks left here...and they are packed. Just the way I like it but it makes my heart race to think of what we are forgetting. Who...
June is going to come too fast, I just know it!

Quiet

2010-04-22T12:08:00.001-05:00

I've been busy and not on the computer much these days. This space is suffering and quiet.
We got an offer on our house and going through the stressful motions that it involves. Maddening.
Closing date is May 5th...but I haven't started packing again. I will do it quick when I do it- I hate dragging things like that on.
I keep telling myself I will blog when we move...but I miss it now. I want to blog now. I have stories to tell.
I can't remember the last time I commented on a blog. Really. I can't. Guilt! I am reading on my phone though, while in the car pool line, while I steal a few minutes here and there.
Despite the lack of blogging, I have been writing a lot. It feels good to get my thoughts down.
I am getting my IUD out today and feel like some celebration is in order...like I am reclaiming the hormone free me of my teen years. Between birth control and pregnancy it has been my entire adult years where I have been altered. Craziness.
I have Mya on my left and Kaylee on my right and it is really annoying to listen to a kids movie on Netflix while I post, but less annoying than them whining while I try to post.
My sleep schedule is out of whack. I realized I am back to my staying up late for days on end then making up with naps routine. But the less I sleep the more time I get here before moving...right?
I lost my workout mojo. I am just not making it a priority because it feels like the clock is ticking.
I really want to try one of these. I have heard good things! Anyone know where I can get some?!
I want to do SPT now that Lelly is back in action- but I missed both weeks thus far. I took pics, never posted them. If only I could blog from my phone and add pics- then I would on Tuesdays in the carpool line :)
I am fasting for some blood work and still have three hours to go. Not to make light of the seriousness of anorexia...but how do they do it? My body needs fuel!
Time to make lunch and get the big kid to school and the little one to Eleanor's and this one to the doctor. Yay!

Flowing Thoughts

2010-03-25T11:58:00.000-05:00

You know how you think of one thing
And it leads to another
I love that!
I love the spring weather we have going on
I am excited for summer
Even though summer means Austin
I am excited for Austin!
Nervous excited
Not excited about that first summer heat
I AM excited for Linc to have a short commute
He has commuted for the last 8 years...most of it over 45 minutes each way
That cuts into family time way too much
I am loving family time lately
Just the four of us and the groove we have going
Speaking of groove- listening to that man practice the piano makes my heart happy
Seeing that man have time to have a social life and hobbies is like getting to know him all over again
I forgot how spontaneous he can be
I love it- spontaneity drives me
I am driving up with my girlies to see Tasha and her girlies this weekend
It's gunna be a girl fest weekend- yay!
My girls are stoked
I am stoked that Linc gets to have a weekend home alone
I need to pick up the house before we head to school
It has been nice to just have a picked up house
Doesn't take long right now
I could get used to this
I hope I keep it up when we move
I don't wanna think about moving yet

Best Kind of Weekend

2010-03-23T10:47:00.005-05:00

Friday morning spent at the library doing Mya's project day homework.

Eva joined us for a few hours, one of them spent at the super windy park
I started The Hunger Games because the three of them were playing so well.
Mya had a late night party to attend, JoAnn offered Kaylee to sleep over, so I got to workout for a couple hours guilt free!
Stayed up until 2am reading the book I started at 2:30...

Saturday we had an early house showing so we dropped Mya off to join K at Grandma's and headed to a toy store to get some ideas for K's birthday. She is obsessed with TinkerBell.

Armed with our books, Linc and I sipped coffee for an hour, reading, enjoying the company, sharing thoughts- waiting for a game store to open. I finished The Hunger Games...seriously can't remember the last time I read a book so fast.
Spent time together browsing new games at Boardgame Revolution, digging the guy working there sharing his enthusiasm for games. We own Alhambra and wanted to get some expansions for a game night. We ended up getting the big box with all the expansions and saving a ton of money.
Ate lunch outside in the sun...dreaming freely about the future. Learning once again that I talk loud when I am excited about something.
Headed home- worked on the house together.
He played video games, I started Catching Fire and dozed for a few.
Pick up the kiddos, hang out and make dinner.
Subbed for a soccer game (we decided not to play this season because it would mean every Saturday was taken until we move...not good. But hopefully I get to sub a time or two!) I actually scored the only goal- though it was kinda a fluke :) A few players didn't bother showing up or getting subs, so it was a physically intense game- my favorite (though not the lowest stress game for the captain!)
Watched a guilty pleasure independent comedy since Linc was playing games for the night. Yay!

Sunday started with a lazy morning with the girls while letting Linc catch up on sleep.
Met Hillary and Randy for a pizza picnic at the park. The weather...oh the weather was perfect. The company was great. Laying in the sun on the blanket talking- the best!
Too quick of an afternoon nap for me.
Took the girls to my parents house for a sleepover...these girls are spoiled in quality time- the best kind of spoiling if you ask me!

Jon is moving to Austin tomorrow, so we had the guys over for games and dinner (thus the expansion purchase the day before) It's so weird that we have known these guys for so long and this is probably the last time all of us will be together doing what we do. I am so glad Jon is gunna be in Austin though!
Party over at 11:30...exhausted...and I still stayed up until 1:30 reading Catching Fire (I finished it last night)

I don't know that I could have ordered a better weekend!

How do you title a post like this?

2010-03-17T13:53:00.014-05:00

I am realizing I am more and more becoming a bullet point kind of blogger. Hit and get. Maybe Facebook status updates have reduced me to condensed versions of my thoughts...I don't know.
That being said- I totally see the need for more in depth posts. Just not right now.
It makes me crazy happy that Jessie is now on Facebook.
Facebook is kind of a dumb name...don't you think? I mean think about it...
My grandma makes the best chocolate chip cookies and there is a whole cookie jar of them just up the stairs (I am at my parents house) If I can make it the next two hours without giving in I can pretty much do anything.
I am in love with the rowing machine at the gym. (Can you call a rec center a gym? I just did.) It's just...relaxing and hard at the same time. I look forward to it all day long.

Had a lot of this going on yesterday. It's one of my favorite things about spring!
I love how much stuff I have gotten rid of with getting the house ready to sell and the promise of more to toss before we are outta here.
We are taking our girls camping during Mya's spring break down to our cabin. I am giddy already thinking about it- and it is a month away. It might be our last trip there before we move...hopefully not though. I am gunna miss that place.
It feels amazing to leave the house with it totally clean every day. The fact that it stays that way and is waiting for me when I get home- pretty sweeeet.
Linc and I are heading back to Austin for five days in May to look at houses. 5 days, just the two of us. Sure we are going to be driving around a TON and such, but there are no kids. And surely time to play! It will be our last kid-free time for quite a while.

I hate the later bedtimes for my kiddos and the days and days of adjustment, but how can I argue with sights like this at 7pm?
I forgot to have Mya wear green today...she didn't though. Phew...

Lucky Me

2010-03-17T10:09:00.000-05:00

You know those moments when you have proof that someone loves you? Those actions that scream so much louder than any words ever could?

I hate grating cheese. More than anything else in the kitchen. It's silly, I know...but I do.

And he does it, without being asked. Every time.

Lucky me.

*swoon*

questions on my mind

2010-03-16T10:54:00.001-05:00

Why is it SO much easier to make good food choices when the weather is nice? I have been cruising for over 2 weeks now. I feel like me again- the me I lost around November.
How did I run my fastest 5k (ever!) last night (by almost 15 minutes!) after rowing for 27 minutes? Shouldn't I have been totally spent?
How is it mid March? HOW??? I am stoked for warmer weather but not so stoked about this passage of my remaining time in Utah.
At what age should kids switch from baths to showers?
How long can I bribe Mya into doing the dishes with making dinner as the reward?
What book should I read next?
With the shorter/milder winters in TX, am I going to feel the effects of the winter blues as much?
How do people have time to watch so much TV?
Will someone make an offer on our house now that we lowered the price? (please oh please oh please?)
Should I try to find a half-marathon to train for in Austin the month we get there? Will it be too hot? Will the heat consume me?

The Gift

2010-03-15T09:18:00.007-05:00

A few years ago Linc mentioned that maybe when he was done with school he would take up piano. It's the only instrument I have ever heard him really talk about and it is something that he has come back to time and time again. Last year, knowing we were a year away from graduation, I started to think of ways to get him a piano without him knowing about it...hard for the stay at home mom that I am.

In the course of our marriage, I think I have maybe truly surprised Linc once...I just am not a good surpriser because I can't take the suspense! When it comes to big ticket items, forget about it. We go over our budget with a fine tooth comb and for that I am grateful- but you can't just say "Hey...I need $100 a month set aside for...something...that I can't tell you about at all until next year..." So when I started to teach kickboxing at the beginning of last year, I was giddy. Add in delivering flyers and other random things that would present themselves...money saved, husband none the wiser.

Anyway- a year plus later, and with some help from my silblings and parents, and a good friend of ours (they all wanted to go in on something big for his graduation) Linc finally has his piano.

It's hard to surprise this man- and he loves being surprised. I really should try to do it more often...totally, totally worth it.

10 Things

2010-03-12T15:33:00.000-06:00

Ten things making me love life right here, right now:

The sun is shining! In fact, I had to take off my hoodie today because I was getting too warm.
It's yard work season! Yes we are selling and so in theory it should be annoying to have to keep up with it- but it's not. It's instant gratification baby!
Yogrit! Kaylee says most things correctly, but yogurt is one that she just doesn't and I am not about to correct her. These things just work themselves out.
Anticipation of tonight! I am hanging out with Rachelle tonight- the clock feels like it is ticking and the calendar filling up. June is going to be here before I know it.
Colored hair! Last night I got together with my girls and we dyed eachothers hair. It's so fun to have different people that I have done this with. The purple is gone. For now.
Linc! I am so in love with that man. He makes me happy and falling back in love with him since December has been better than the first time.
It's bike season! While I was cleaning up the yard both girls hopped on bikes and rode them around and around. I can't wait to hop on mine.
Cottage cheese with chips and salsa! It is my most favorite snack right now and I love the boost of protein.
A clean house! It has been rather liberating to have our house on the market. For me. Having to keep it clean and neat has taught me that it can be done with not as much mental angst as I always told myself it would. Who knew?
New live music in my house! ...more on this later :)

Hero

2010-03-10T12:00:00.000-06:00

I have admired Jamie Oliver since his book The Naked Chef came out. I love the whole philosophy of "naked cooking" and preparing foods that are seasonal etc.

After watching....

(seriously...watch it now...totally worth watching his 20 minutes instead of the usual crap on TV)

...he is my newest hero. HERO.

"I wish for everyone to help create a strong, sustainable movement to educate every child about food, inspire families to cook again, and empower people everywhere to fight obesity."

YES!

10 Picture Cues

2010-03-04T00:52:00.001-06:00

Mya is quite the cook. We decided she should make dinner once a week (when I say we I mean she agreed down from 4 times a week) We pick easy things and the only thing I do is open cans or get hot things out of the oven. Her chopping skills are coming along. Seeing her independence makes me ache with how old she really is.

We have been doing a lot more of this lately. I've been feeling bad that Kaylee hasn't done as much of the "fun" stuff- things are busier than when Mya was 2.5 :)

We ran two errands, dropped Mya off to school and ate lunch before her nap...and that is when I noticed she picked two different boots. Ha.

Work in progress from an art canvas night. We were practicing using different techniques and mediums. It's pretty fun, mostly because I have no idea what I am doing and just do it :)

Amy is freaking tall, and I loved that she got on this stool and then on her top toes to get a better shot. That girl just knows how to take pictures. See more from the night here.

We were talking about what it means to be tough while having an early season muffin tin picnic lunch on the sunny steps. She said, "This is a pretty tough look huh?" Then she busted up laughing about a second after the shutter closed.

The last room I painted was the bathroom downstairs. I thought I could kick it out in an hour...boy was I wrong. There was so much taping and cutting in to do. I think this is the one and only "action" shot I have of getting the house ready to list.

When we got the carpet installed, we kinda hung out all day, just the four of us. It was blissful. It makes me want more open space in my life for them and us to dance and play.

Got this genius idea here. I was making bread for bookclub at my mom's and it took longer than I thought and I didn't have time to go back to include the cooling time- I love when an image from a blog sticks with me and solves a dilemma!

I have been taking more pics on my real camera. At least making an effort again and leaving it out. It's way easy to just bring my cell and call it good. Then I end up with times when I wish I could have a better shot etc. Times are changing!

ps. It's bugging me that my pics aren't lined up right. Sheesh.

Posted

2010-02-23T22:15:00.000-06:00

Totally official...our house is for sale. Crazy. Here is the link if you wanna take the tour. The main photo isn't up yet- but will be tomorrow. We don't have a sign in our yard yet, but there is it! Click on "tour" in the top right if you wanna see.

It's weird for everything to be so neat. For our personal pictures to not be displayed, for things to be missing. But- whatever gets people interested is fine by me. I am bugged by several of the pictures- is it obvious a man took them? I mean I would have noticed the kids bottom bunk had come untucked...if I would have known he was going to shoot the kitchen from the angle where you saw the stove side of the fridge...I would have taken all that stuff off like the front. Wish it would have snowed...cause what can you really do in February in Utah with your yard?

Oh well...right?

It's kinda anxiety inducing for me right now- to have such a tidy house. I have found myself pacing rooms, waiting for a shoe to be out of place. My kids are really great about cleaning up after themselves...but yesterday and today I have found myself so irritated with them for taking stuff out in the first place! Isn't a clean house supposed to clear your mind and put you at ease because it is all done? I am on edge...I just wanna wake up and leave in the morning, leaving the place to look staged like someone lives here. I am kinda crazy though...

It feels like we have reached another level of grown-up-hood. Buying a house was one thing- but now selling one? How did that happen? How did we get this mature and responsible? Sheesh...

Repeat

2010-02-13T23:54:00.000-06:00

I'm twenty-eight.
I'm a woman in love.
I'm a good mother.
I'm finding myself an artist.
I'm physical.
I'm a spring through fall lover.
I'm a knitter.
I'm a 'wanna be' of many things.
I'm pin up girl Fridays.
I'm a believer.
I'm tea in the morning and coffee in the evening.
I'm patiently imperfect.
I'm an over-thinker.
I'm a reader.
I'm an admirer and duplicator.
I'm addicted to food.
I'm an avid movie goer/lover/critic.
I'm a picture taker.
I'm a craver of things social.
I'm sarcastic.
I'm a problem solver.
I'm on a quest to be girly.
I'm a multi-tasker.
I'm a compulsive email and text delete-r.
I'm someone who needs alone time.
I'm a day dreamer.
I'm loud.
I'm rationally emotional.
I'm getting through this winter.
I'm saying things repeatedly and becoming them.

I'm all these things and more right now.
I'm curious what you are.

Status Update

2010-02-13T14:32:00.001-06:00

...and then there was new carpet.

Then a computer set up. Then a TV and video game system. After two weeks with neither. No kids in sight for the morning. Two happy adults doing their own things for a couple hours before diving back in...yippee!

(Up next is the rest of the re-assembly of the house. Then the guys finishing a shower downstairs while I clean and box and sew curtains and pray for snow (so I don't have a lot of yard work to do as snow covers all) and then we list!)

Shut In

2010-02-06T10:21:00.000-06:00

I found a secret talent this past week...prepping for paint. I am pretty damn good at it...and it is weirdly satisfying to me. The painting itself, not so much. But give me some tape, paper and a tube of caulk...maybe some putty and I am on my way!

Why I don't like the actual painting...I don't really know. Maybe because I can't seem to not make a mess? Maybe because it usually takes two coats of paint? My dislike for it did not spare me doing it though :) I like manual labor and it has been fun to shoot the breeze with Randy. He's a funny, funny man.

We've painted everything. Trim one color, walls another. Our house is still in a major state of disarray as we hopefully get the touch up work done today. Then next weekend carpet is going to be installed and we will put it all back together. And then I get to clean. And clean some more. Oye. That part is hard for me. But once it is all said and done, they come and take pics/video to do a virtual tour and we list!

It's crazy how much paint and caulk sticks around after a shower. I had to full on get nail polish remover to fix this mess. And of course they are back to looking this way.

This weeks task is to box things up enough that as we are moving stuff from room to room when they carpet that it won't be tons of little things. Then I get to unpack them all. Then when we sell...really pack them all. It goes against my streamline/productivity nature to do things like this. To do them twice. But hey, I can repress the urge to scream if it means we sell faster.

So still a lot to do. Taking it one day, one room/task at a time. It is looking amazing...I hope the next owners enjoy the hard work!

ps. My brother in law Randy is the man. If you need painting stuff done- let me know. I will give you their info.

15 Minutes...Big Thoughts

2010-01-27T18:11:00.000-06:00

We are moving to Austin.
That was reeeeaaaallly hard to type.
I am still in denial, though I feel really good about it. Just a lot to do. It's overwhelming.
We are planning to go in JUNE.
We are getting our house ready to list. Fixing the dings and bumps that we have added. New paint, new carpet, new shower. Should be (cross fingers) on the market within 2 weeks. Tick tock.
If we sell fast (cross fingers) we will do the stuff in storage and live with JoAnn until June. Yay!
Our brother in law Randy is my hero right now. And Linc. They are busting their butts, with me too, to get this place all polished. Randy's know-how is priceless. The fact that he is willing to help us makes me weepy.
Linc brought home oodles of boxes yesterday. I just stared at them. Then started taping them together.
I don't know where to start. Mostly because I am tired today. So the girls and I started with toys to clear space. They were pumped and their enthusiasm pulled me along.
I have been dealing with the emotions of moving/selling with working out and lifting weights. Excessively. I am in a constant state of soreness and I am totally cool with that. Keeps me focused.
I figure this is good wallowing because when we get to Austin...they have these:

I am soooo going to be in trouble if we move close to this little cupcake place. Goodness. I don't even really like frosting, but man oh man. I could eat two right now.
I am making biscuits and gravy for dinner. I love making biscuits. In case you wanted to know ;)

A Texan?

2010-01-14T10:30:00.010-06:00

One of the heavy things that has been weighing on my mind for a long time (since August...and then moreso in November, but I haven't been able to talk about it much) is the opportunity we have to move. To a different state. Yeah...

Tomorrow Linc and I are heading to Austin, TX for a long weekend to check it out (no kids- yay!). Get a feel for it. The company he works for is moving their main office down there- something we knew was a possibility before he took the job- and while keeping a smaller branch here, really wants as many employees to move down there as they can. So we are going with a few other employees and coming back Monday. Then we have a couple weeks to let them know if we wanna stay or go.

Yikes.

I have been thinking about this for about 4 months, sometimes more than others. There are so many pros to staying, so many pros to going. So many cons for both...

I have always lived by family. Both our families are almost daily influences in our kids lives. In our lives. I have relied heavily on them to keep ME sane while he has been in school. I have needed the support. Now I can rely on him like I have them.

There is this part of me that sees this opportunity and doesn't want to pass it up. That sees our little family of 4 closing the last rough chapter and opening the next one. Relying on eachother. It's a rather romantic notion- no?

I go back and forth everyday. Every single day. I hope seeing is believing and after this weekend we will know what is next for us. Wish us luck...!

Just, yeah.

2010-01-13T11:23:00.000-06:00

Yoga is not for me. Even POWER yoga. I was really hopeful. Really. Guess I will just have to stretch before and after I workout like a non-yoga chump!
Mya has been sick. She seems better, but what a week to have a sick kid- so many things that I was hopeful to finish before our trip have moved off the list. Gotta be realistic and not stress.
I love the new yoga (I feel like a poser calling them that) pants I got at Old Navy. And on sale to boot! I used to hate spending money on clothes to sweat in, now I don't mind so much.
I am sending out some good mail today. I can't remember the last time I sent anything out...I am more the hand delivery type.
Tonight I swear I am going to bed early. 10:00...tomorrow is crunch time. I need to get in a solid nights sleep- I hope a good hard workout and then a hot shower will be the recipe for success. That or Unisom.
Today is my dad's birthday- I am sure he is doing what he normally does, like it is any other day. The silly man. Sure do love him.
I thought it would take Linc a lot of time to get the school mindset out of his head. It hasn't, and I am reaping the rewards. I dare say I/we are a bit twitterpated these days and while it took me a couple instances to get used to it, I love it. I love him. This is the man I fell in love with. Glad to have him back and then some!
I did the 12 on the 12th project yesterday...I think the 12th is going to be a new favorite day of the month for me. Yay! Now to take the time to size and compile them and post. Tonight...
I need to finish the laundry and dishes and make beds and shower, then take Mya to school and such. Sometimes this routine makes me oh so happy because it flows...other times I want those lazy no school days of motherhood back. Summer is coming...
So is spring- in approximately 2 months I will be planting my spring garden. Take that winter blues!

Modeling

2010-01-12T11:56:00.048-06:00

Last night I worked out hard. Looked forward to it all day. I realized how lucky I am that I enjoy it like I do. It is not a means to an end, I enjoy the activity itself. I crave it. It is amazing to me to do someing with my body- something that makes me physically struggle, only to have that struggle lessen over time. To FEEL myself getting stronger. To SEE the difference when I look in the mirror. I am grateful that I can push my body, that I have control over how fit I am. How fortunate is it that we can push our physical limits and quickly recover to do it all over again?!? (okay, I am a little crazy here...but I dig it!)
Tonight I am giving yoga a try. Again. I soooo want to enjoy yoga. I need the flexibility. I like the idea of that kind of strength. I don't think I need/crave the meditation and breathing, but who knows (I seriously fear getting a case of the giggles as I am apt to do when the room is quiet and some ridiciously named pose comes up...) I'm going with a good friend who loves and raves about this specific class. Let's hope it's the ticket! I have had to resist the urge to workout all day- in my mind yoga doesn't equal working out...lame! I am just used to the high intensity, hitting it hard and sweating my day away workouts.

Jill posted a quote on her blog and I have been thinking about it since- esp this part:

"Each of us takes in at the cellular level how our mother feels about being female, what she believes about her body, how she takes care of her health, and what she believes is possible in life."

I totally agree with that. Then I think you take that and model it or rebel against it. (for example...if you come from a family that eats out all the time, you either do that as a teen/adult or choose to eat healthier etc.) I tell myself every day that I am healthy and strong. Seriously. I want to instill that in my girls. It's not about being skinny or what size my clothes are...just being healthy and taking care of my body. Being able to do all I want to do without breathing heavy because I am carrying more than my body needs. I want my girls to want to model my behavior for the right reaons, ya know? But how do they know that is the reason I do what I do? As they get older and see me working out most days, are they going to associate that with being skinny or healthy habits? If I talk about it all the time are they going to rebel against that? Raising girls with a good self image is hard...

Five Minute Thoughts

2010-01-07T11:36:00.002-06:00

My fridge is so clean you could eat out of it. Cleaning out a fridge when you have sore arms kinda sucks, but damn it is shiny.
We have a good little routine going this week. The girls are digging eating breakfast with Linc every morning...I am getting used to not just pouring cereal in bowls for the girls. I hope making another meal- even if it is just eggs and toast- doesn't wear on me. They love it.
Tonight is RAW and we are starting it off right with word canvasses for our 2010 words. Can't wait- tick tock.
Blu Ray movies are beautiful...stunning. Linc is turning me into a digital snob.
I have been spending a lot less time on the computer lately and I love it.
I suck at knitting hats. They are never long enough. I am going to stick to scarves and fingerless gloves until my ego recovers.
My kids are addicted to gum. Sugarless...but still. Gum.
Sunflower Market has these real veggie chips that are freaking amazing. Try them if you live local- they are in the bulk section and look like dried vegetables. Mmmm.
I think I drank 6 cups of tea yesterday while watching my little cousin Riley from Cali so my uncle Rex could check out ice climbing because he wants to climb Mt. Everest (no thank you!). I love it when I can help and when little 4 year old boys are angels. And I love drinking tea on cold days.
I slid way too far down that slippery sugar slope over the holidays. I have been "detoxing" since Sunday. Headache city. Never again will I slide so far down. Never. Again.
Next weekend Linc and I are going away for 4 whole days. Without the kids. More on that later :)
I am ticking things off my pre-trip list like nobodys business. Love it.
When we get back I am planning to do a yeast/sugar cleanse. I can't wait. Really. I kinda wish I had time to do it before we go.
And my five minutes are up. Bam!

Soaring

2010-01-06T08:10:00.002-06:00

Right around my birthday I find myself thinking of my word for the next year. I kept thinking explore. This year is going to be all about discovering this new life with my little family. Experiencing what it will be after all the hard work and sacrifice etc. But explore just wasn't feeling all the way right. For whatever reason. With my past words...they have jumped out at me when I found them.

Last weekend Michelle dropped off some things Jessie had sent along- one being a birthday present:

I gasped. Then I teared up a little. It is perfect in so many ways. It made me miss her in so many ways. Oh how this woman knows me. It's the word I have been looking for, and she found it. Joy!

So, 2010...time to spread my wings and SOAR a little. Or a lot- time will tell!

Goodbye

2009-12-31T20:06:00.001-06:00

Starting a new decade...wow. This last decade was so many firsts and lasts.

I graduated highschool
We got married a few months later (seriously...)
Enjoyed four years of kid-free married bliss.
Linc started school.
We started our family.
We bought our first home.
Completed our family of four.
Celebrated 9 years of marriage.
We finished school...just in time.

Together, we stayed married. Stayed sane. Made it.

In 2009, I
...found new friends that feel like old ones.
...found old friendships that carried me through the final year of school widow-hood.
...found a smaller me under the 30+ pounds I lost.
...found time to create.
...found my inner athlete.
...found quiet ways to serve.
...found focus in places that needed it.
...found myself. Again and again.

Goodbye to 2009. You were a hard year. You toughened me up yet softened my heart and ego. You had me focused on the end goal, threw a lot of curve balls in there. You made me tired. This year will never go un-remembered.

Goodbye to the last decade. It was spent with him. That is just crazy to think about...our first decade together. Just the first.

Random Phone Photography

2009-12-29T15:44:00.000-06:00

Having a camera on my phone has really made me lazy in taking our big one along. So what I end up with is a lot of somewhat crappy quality images of the random things that make up my life. The minutia, right? In picture form. Such as:

I am kinda into striped knee length socks right now. I have always liked them, but my calves used to be too big and they never fit. Now they are smaller and more toned and I can't get enough...plus my legs are warm. I have been overly cold this winter. Why????

Do these knitting needles not look like toy rockets? I kinda adore using them...with chunky yarn for quick scarves. They do seem rather obscene though, if ya catch my drift ;)

Who falls to sleep like this?!? She is so my random sleep kiddo.

Cinnamon bear drowning of '09. Chocolate fountains + me = dangerous and added minutes on the exercise bike. (Worth it!)

Sometimes when my girls are gone I go through and sharpen all their pencils because I love it so...not because I think they will appreciate it. I don't like to share this task. It's satisfying and I love the discarded curls.

I was having a really, really good day a few weeks ago. Like everything was coming up ME. When I found $10 in the snow of a random parking lot...I figured I had better go home before I somehow jinxed the day. (I did feel bad someone lost $10...but how to return it? I figure I have lost money before and it was all somehow karma related, right?)

Purple eye shadow. I dig it.

Old School Style

2009-12-29T00:35:00.042-06:00

Going with my standby bullet point post cause I am feeling random tonight.
Last night marked the end of the last party of the year for me/us. It has felt non-stop busy the last two weeks with friend and family and work parties to go to. Normally I welcome such events, but after the big push for him to graduate, I kinda just wanted to chill and soak in the feeling of lazy nights. Plenty of time for that though, right?
Heidi has been in town but leaves tomorrow afternoon. It always seems like there is so much time in front of her trips to do it all...now it feels like "already?!?!"
I know she isn't going to move back any time soon. No matter how much we wish it. She is happy there. I am happy she is happy. Truly.
Linc has this whole week off. It's crazy just having him here. I think I am having a harder time adjusting than he is- who knew?
It's interesting to see how the girls have been with him around all the time. It's more peaceful here. There is more laughter. I don't feel quiet as on edge and like the constant bad guy/good guy. It's taking some getting used to. To not be the only go-to person. Also- it's frustrating that they behave better for him than me. Very humbling.
We took down our tree et all the morning after Christmas. It makes me feel like a scrooge, but I can't handle it up. I almost took it down Christmas night. When I am done I am done. No reveling here I guess. I honestly wasn't feeling it from the get go...
I wanted to start 2010 with a de-junked house. I got a lot of that done, then realized the insantiy of that plan the week before Christmas. Now I am in this after funk and don't see myself tearing through the house in the next three days. Some progress would be better than none though...
Thinking about my word for this year. Focus. Hmm....Some areas I rocked it. Others...not so much. Not gunna dwell on it. Think I might have 2010 figured out though.
This is the first year that I can honestly say that I am not a snow person. At all. I used to snowboard and that is about it. I don't enjoy playing in it. I don't enjoy being cold. It bums me out.
I found some Jolly Joes while stocking stuffer shopping this year. I hadn't seen or thought about them in years. I am glad I came across them...I like grape candy.
Linc got me this cookbook for my birthday. I love it. It makes me think of Michelle every time I look through it. Weird huh? It just seems so up her alley- so Michelle...check it out if you havent' already.
I haven't been keeping up on blogs much. Haven't been on the computer much. I don't like it. I feel detached. I plan to go through my google reader and clean things up, re-book mark the private blogs I used to remember to visit. Comment. Connect.
I wish I could get my kids to sleep in. Past 7am. That or I wish I didn't get wind in my sails at 10pm that lasted far too long. Why can't I be happy and content going to bed at like 9?
My wedding ring doesn't fit anymore. It keeps flinging off my hand when I make large motions. I want to get it re-sized...but kinda think it would jinx me into gaining weight back or something. I seriously think crap like that. What can I say?
I want 2010 to be so many things for me/us. I am worried I am setting us up for failure with my high hopes though.
I miss soccer. We took a break through December because of how busy it is for everyone. It has been 6 weeks though...I crave it.
I have no set New Year's Eve plans and that feels just awesome. I like that we may do something kickass or we may stay home watching Scrubs on the couch in our jammies. Or a Kevin Smith movie marathon...not knowing- I dig that.
Spell check isn't working right now. Sow dilll wit et.

Finished!

2009-12-23T10:09:00.002-06:00

Linc is done with school.

Let that sit for a minute...I like to soak in the thought and let it linger.

He finished last week on Monday, opting to take the day off work and all his finals in one day to get it over with.

I am so proud of him.

He had about a year of school under his belt when we got pregnant with Mya...long road ahead. Like many, we haven't known parenthood without him wearing the cloak of provider/student. I am grateful that he stepped up and has worked his ass off to support us so I can stay home with our kids. That he worked long and sometimes weird schedules to fit the classes in. I am grateful that we scrimped and saved these school years so he could graduate without student loans hanging over our heads. It was hard, it was worth it.

In the beginning, his mom covered a semester or two for him, enabling us to not take out small loans. For him to proceed without elongating the tunnel to graduation so we could save. Today I feel so grateful to her that she was able and willing to do that. That we don't have a semester or two left to go.

I am grateful I am not a school widow anymore...

We used to joke that it would be a miracle if he graduated before he turned 30...but he did just that, nothing miraculous about it. It was all him. The work and focus and discipline that is ingrained in him. He is badass.

I am proud. Of. Him.

Funky

2009-12-22T11:07:00.010-06:00

Have you ever had too much to say? I think I have been overly quiet on my blog this year...detached. I have my reasons, but ultimately, it means I have been dealing in my own way. I am a talker yes, I am open where I want to be. Where I feel safe. But the nitty gritty thoughts are ones I don't choose to share here.

I have two close friends that deal with the grit life throws openly. They talk it out, hash it out, put it all on the table and their blogs. Don't fear judgement! Part of their process is to talk through it. That inspires me. I like to keep parts of myself hidden and I haven't quite figured out why.

While they are open and talk it out, I think. I analyze. Internalize. THEN I might talk to one or two people about it- someone that I think doesn't struggle in that area so I can hopefully benefit from their wisdom, and someone who does so they can empathize. That's it. Then I move on.

I think because I approach decisions and such this way, I come across as somewhat rash to people that I don't come to to talk it over with. And that makes me laugh because while I am spontaneous...I think too much.

A couple weeks after I got my tattoo, I dyed parts of my hair purple. Subtle in location, bright in color. I love it. It feels sooo much like me and now that I got the subtle out of the way to make sure I like it, I plan to do more. It's just hair and it was something I have wanted to do. For months and months. No rash decision here.

A couple friends joked that I was having a mid life crises...these two bold things happening out of "nowhere". First- I am barely 28, so it would be a quarter life crisis. Second- I am three years late so have some making up to do! Hehe. I don't feel in crisis...this has been a year of change. In big ways. Good ways. But change is change.

What it boils down to for me...I am finding the confidence to let parts of me shine. Not being LDS and living in Utah County is different, there is for sure a mold here and I used to fear not fitting in that mold. Not making the "mom friends". For so long I cared what other people thought more than I cared about being authentically me. I genuinely feel comfortable in my skin as far as opinions and actions go, but I have always felt like I don't look the part. I look conservative while I am anything but.

Having the confidence to let my inner funky chick out feels good. It feels legit. As far as things coming out of nowhere- maybe I like to keep people guessing...

Sparrow

2009-12-01T19:22:00.000-06:00

My computer has been down all week. It's still down...thus the abrupt stop in my gratitude posts. I wrote things down for each day, so a catch up is in order. In the meantime...I couldn't wait to post this....

This is what it looks like when you cross something off your bucket list:
This weekend I was finally able to get my first tattoo.
I have wanted one for a long time, just never knowing what I would get. Then about a year ago I started to think about this one, started looking at images.Then I found this image and have thought about it for months.
Everyone asks me if it hurt. Um...well yeah. It wasn't the worst pain ever, some areas were more tender, but it was more than bearable. I would do it again. I plan to, two more times. So to me that means it wasn't that bad.
It's a sparrow and the best way for me to describe what is means for me is to say that it is a reminder to not take my body and all it can do for granted.

Tattoo is art. Tattoo is expression. Its symbolism. Some people get it, some don't. Its cool either way.

I love it.

Chomp

2009-11-24T11:34:00.006-06:00

1. I am grateful for the simple things that make me smile. Like the sound of Kaylee munching on Cheetos in the back seat. That miniaturized chomp-chomp-chomp...be still my beating heart! (I normally don't like eating sounds, but something about her doing that in the quiet of the drive just made my heart sink.)

2. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with Kaylee while Mya is in school. That most of that time is spent at my mom's house and we get to have moments like this:

3. I am grateful we are DONE with diapers and it wasn't a painful experience. At all. I was going to let her take her sweet time and expected another 6-12 months. Yay for surprises and 2.5 year old independence (sometimes).

Dad

2009-11-23T21:08:00.004-06:00

1. I am grateful for my dad. Our water heater went out. We couldn't move it upstairs alone. He came over. Then it took forever to drain and Linc had to go to class. He stayed. And stayed. And played with my girls and talked and we watched movies and drew pictures. He then took it to Home Depot to exchange, then came back and helped carry it down. 11am to 6pm he was here for me. For us. All because "this is just what Dad's do." This is what my dad does. It's who he is...and I am grateful. Love him.

2. I am grateful for the sound of my girls playing together. We stayed home all day because the whole water heater thing took longer than expected and I couldn't leave etc. They played so nice. Like really nice. It was refreshing and left me pondering the events and wondering how to duplicate such a day. They actually played like friends and that they were enjoying it. Sigh.

3. I am grateful for Mya's teacher. I emailed her that she wasn't going to be in today. Somehow I have a virus or something and she got a weird e-mail from me and so she called Linc to see if everything was okay. Then upon telling her that we were still dealing with the heater thing and that I was trying to figure out getting Mya to school tomorrow she offered to pick her up. This is who my kid is with for 3 hours a day :) She is good people and I am grateful.

Loving to Hate

2009-11-22T22:07:00.003-06:00

I am not sure why blogger didn't post this yesterday...ugh.

1. I am grateful for friends that want to knowingly mock the same things I do. Any friend that lets me talk and make inappropriate (though hilarious?) comments through a terrible movie...I am grateful. (When I found out how much it grossed opening weekend a small part of me died...seriously people?!?!)

2. I am grateful for afternoon naps. I have needed them lately. I am in a horrible no-sleep routine right now. I just can't sleep at night. Can't stay asleep. For no good reason.

3. I am grateful for crepes. For a family that will make crepes in lieu of birthday cake. Don't get me wrong, I love cake. LOVE. I just wanted crepes. With Nutella and bananas and strawberries and whipped cream. And to eat more than one...worth it.

ps. 4 weeks :)

Alone

2009-11-21T18:50:00.004-06:00

1. I am grateful for Saturday mornings alone at home and Jo Ann providing them. I get so much done in those 4 hours. I always tell myself I will take a nap, but I never do. Today I went to WalMart, cleaned up from a game night, baked bread, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, did 2 loads of laundry, sorted through all my yarn and needles, sharpened all the girls colored pencils (I love doing that) and knitted for about 45 minutes ALL while listening to my Jem/Ingrid/Regina station on Pandora. Who would choose napping?!?

2. I am grateful for sisters. Grateful that I have two sisters and sister in laws. Grateful for my mom's sisters and their example. Grateful for the girlfriends I have who have become like sisters.

3. I am grateful that I can vacuum. It's just so damn satisfying.

30 to go!

2009-11-20T07:54:00.001-06:00

1. I am grateful that today is day 20 of my month of gratitude and that means I have noted 60 things to be grateful for and I have 30 more to see and share. I am grateful this has been easy and I haven't missed a day!

2. I am grateful that I get to try new things. My mom gifted me a pedicure for my birthday. Wednesday we met up with Rebecca (her birthday is before mine and so we all went together) to indulge. I was more anxious than excited to go...something so awkward about having this personal service done while you basically ignore the person. So impersonal... But other than that, it was dreamy. It made me want to get a massage...

3. I am grateful for band aids. For me and for the girls. I keep doing random things to injure my fingers...like not paying attention when slicing bread and instead getting my finger (its like my hands don't hurt enough!?!?) Or just those bumps and bruises they get and that little padded sticker seems to cure all. For me it is more that it cushions and protects so I can keep on knitting :) Such an easy fix for life's dings...right?

Contented

2009-11-19T08:47:00.001-06:00

1. I am grateful for quiet nights at home where we all do our own things in the same room and there is that contented vibe of togetherness in our individuality.

2. I am grateful that everyday I get to start over. That I have the choice to make the most of my day if I want to. I am grateful for the power to get up and go or stay and chill. That for the most part, it is my choice.

3. I am grateful for my hands. I get frustrated with them a lot. I try not to complain too much, but they often hurt. Period. Yet I don't want to take for granted what they can do. I am grateful for the dexterity I have, that many of the things I have grown to love doing make them feel better, thankful for the bad days that make the good days that much sweeter.

Quick

2009-11-18T17:55:00.003-06:00

1. I am grateful when I can make dinner in the morning and have it cook all day so when I am tired and weary, dinner is done and I am not begrudging the task.

2. I am grateful for play dates that break up the week and make me feel like a fun mom that is busting out of the routine.

3. I am grateful that Kaylee still naps most of the time...so on days like today, I could take a nap as well...yawn!

Kaylee Sleepin'

2009-11-17T17:18:00.003-06:00

I often forget that I can take low res video with my phone. This is basically what is happenin' here right now:

It cracks me up that when she is tired she will just figure it out and sleep. If I suggest a nap, that doesn't work. So I let her be the master of her nap and everyone is happy. And I love that I can be up there making dinner and all manner of kitchen noise and she just keeps on snoozin. This little girl is SO my kiddo.

Intense

2009-11-17T07:24:00.002-06:00

1. I am grateful for the intense friends in my life, and that we are intense in different ways. I find that I am drawn to intense (enthusiastic?) people. It's like it is an endearing trait or something. I appreciate conversations that veer this way and that because of the interjections overly enthusiastic friends who just can't hold in their opinion. I love that moment when you all wonder how the conversation went from abc to xyz when they clearly have nothing in common.

2. I am grateful to be a wife. I have grown more these 9 years than I think I would have if I was a single 20-something this whole time. I am grateful that being a wife (and mother) has taught me the art of selflessness and that I still have so much to learn to perfect this "craft".

3. I am grateful to be a mother. A young mother. With energy. Sometimes I wonder if wisdom would have been better than energy with my two...but since I can't really go back now, I will gladly be thankful that I can chase and carry the two of them around.

Brinner

2009-11-16T09:58:00.003-06:00

1. I am grateful for breakfast foods. Last night we went to Jo Ann's for my b-day dinner where I requested "brinner" as the menu. I dare say there isn't a breakfast food I don't enjoy. And I could eat breakfast stuff any time of day. It just makes me happy.

2. I am grateful for fall leaves. The sight, the smell, the sound. Everything about them makes me swoon.

3. I am grateful for water. I used to rarely drink it, or have to make a real effort, but this year I can say that I really do prefer it over almost anything else. I am grateful that it curbs my hunger, it refreshes me, keeps me from getting headaches, and keeps my skin from being overly dry. I am grateful that it is everywhere and that I don't have to think about where it comes from. It's just there.

I <3 Technology

2009-11-15T15:29:00.005-06:00

1. I am grateful for modern technology and that it made my birthday that much better. Calls, messages left, emails, comments, texts, wall posts...not to mention goodness in the mail and a couple personal deliveries :)

2 I am grateful for parents that live close and that I still feel at home there. My girls have been on one all day, so for a change of scenery we went there...and it didn't even matter that they weren't home. It's my home away from home and I feel blessed to need no invitation or real reason to escape there.

3. I am grateful for the rejuvenating power of sleep. Grateful that I fall to sleep quickly, that I am able to live a full life that leaves me tired at the end of the day and that I have a soft place to rest my head.

Twenty Eight

2009-11-14T07:25:00.000-06:00

1. I am grateful for the opportunity to get older. I don't know why turning 28 actually feels like an older number to me, but it does. It's just close to 30 and that is like real adulthood, right? :) 28 feels like a warning that I need to shape up in the next two years :) That or live it up!

2. I am grateful to feel like I am getting better with age. I remember how sure I was of things when I was 18...when I was 24, even last year! I like feeling more like me the older I get. I like that the things I was so sure of when I was 23 don't have to be true for me today but that fact doesn't mean they weren't my truth back then. I am grateful for self evolution.

3. I am grateful that this isn't it! Another year lived and so many more ahead of me. Today is a blip in the days ahead that will collectively make up my life and I am happy to pause and celebrate!

Comforts

2009-11-13T07:19:00.001-06:00

1. I am grateful for cough drops and hot tea, for tissues, warm baths, and cozy lounge clothes that take the edge off being sick. I am grateful my kids are not fussy eaters and don't mind PB&J a few meals (days?) in a row.

2. I am grateful for nights where I have nothing to do and no where to go and can hit the sack early. Wednesday night I slept from 8, briefly woke up at 11:15 and then was back down until 6. That never happens to me. Guess my sick body needed it though- I could have slept all day yesterday.

3. I am grateful when my kids don't argue. When they don't bicker. When they don't push anyone's buttons. My mom used to say things like "All I want for mother's day is for everyone to get along." And I thought she was crazy. Even when my girls were smaller I thought she was crazy. I get it now...so I am grateful when they don't. Fight. Ya know?

Meds

2009-11-12T08:39:00.005-06:00

1. I am grateful for over the counter medicine. I am doing the Dayquil/Nyquil shuffle right now and though it is only coping, I am thankful for the relief!

2. I am grateful for my niece Eleanor. She is so easy and carefree to have over. She plays independently and plays well with my two. She is a great big sister. A good helper. She just has this happily mellow disposition (and her moments though they are few and far between). She may not adore me- Jameson does so its all good- but even that I don't mind.

3. I am grateful for bread. I love making it. I love smelling it. I love eating it. I am grateful that baking comes naturally to me and that making a couple loaves of various kinds throughout the week is routine now. I am thankful that I derive satisfaction from pulling a beautiful round loaf out of the oven, knowing I created that. I am thankful that I can drop a loaf off for a friend or neighbor, knowing that almost anyone welcomes freshly baked bread.

5.5 weeks!

2009-11-11T10:51:00.005-06:00

1. I am grateful for the passage of time. 5.5 weeks until graduation!

2. I am grateful that we have health insurance. Even though I grumble to pay for office visits and the like, I am thankful that we are not weighing monumental costs and budget hits against getting the care we need and the peace of mind.

3. I am grateful for kids that love to be read to. They adore getting blankets and a stack of books and not moving for an hour. It feels so right.

Less Sleep

2009-11-10T02:21:00.004-06:00

1. I am grateful for needing less sleep than some. I just got back from waiting in a line (with all manner of geeky/nerdy boys/men) before midnight to get a game (that he pre-ordered months ago) so he wouldn't have to try to squeeze it in tomorrow (he works from 6:30am to 7pm on Tuesdays). I can't wait to see his face...it is rare I get to surprise him like this.

2. I am grateful for my cooking skills and that I enjoy using them. That even when it feels like a task, I get lost in the process. I appreciate that cooking can be an expression of love, of service, of gratitude and appreciation to the family and friends I love.

3. I am grateful for long and short phone conversations with friends that buoy me up through the day. Simple as that.

Multi Task

2009-11-09T10:23:00.001-06:00

1. I am grateful that multitasking comes easy to me. I was foot rocking Jameson's car seat to get him to sleep, telling Kaylee and Eleanor a story, and knitting a scarf for a friend all at the same time. And it felt so natural.

2. I am grateful for cell phone pics that catch a moment, blurry or not. This is my mom's sewing table and one of my girls favorite things is to play with this pin cushion. And wear my mom's reading glasses. I will be thankful in a couple years (or months!) to be able to look back at this picture.

3. I am grateful to live by family and share in celebrating birthdays. November-January is our birthday alley and so it feels like we all get together week after week. I love it.

Strength

2009-11-08T10:42:00.006-06:00

1. I am grateful for friends that come into town and even if the time spent together is brief, it is meaningful and we make it happen. Grateful for restaurants that stay open late so the conversation with her doesn't have to end when the event does.

2. I am grateful for my mom's strength, even when she thinks she has run out of it. It makes me think of a fortune I got in a cookie once and how really, I have just been holding onto that thought for her. It was meant for her.

3. I am grateful for knitting. I am by no means an expert, but have had the opportunity to teach a few friends the basics and then watch them run away with it in different directions. I have two friends whose young daughters want to learn and I am so excited to teach them- I can hardly stand it. I have never taught a kid something like this- I hope they catch the fever!

Kickin Butt

2009-11-07T08:14:00.003-06:00

1. I am grateful for kickboxing. That I took it years ago, that I taught years ago, that I am once again that teacher. Some Saturday mornings I loathe getting up to teach, but as soon as I unlock that door I get this vibe and can't wait to go go go and burn and be done in an hour and feel it all over.

2. I am grateful for soccer. It makes me feel young and fuels my competitive nature in a healthy way. I like the camaraderie I have with my team. I like the friends I have made. I like working together towards the win, cheering on peers and talking about awesome moments. I am grateful it is an active hobby that Linc and I both enjoy.

3. I am grateful that my Aunt Barb and her husband, my parents, Randy and my brother and his family come and cheer on our team most of the time. It makes me smile and feel like an awesome supported dweeb. I am so grateful that Jo Ann will come over to hang at our house during the night games and watch our girls during the early ones. We are spoiled.

Midnight Hour

2009-11-06T07:19:00.003-06:00

1. I am grateful for good friends who will stay up late chatting. For me, there is a level of conversation that is reached that just doesn't happen before midnight. It can't be substituted.

2. I am grateful for the early light that daylight savings offers this time of year. I don't welcome daylight savings spring or fall, but I am willing to look for the good and that

3. I am grateful for old movies with music that transport me back. We are watching this version of Annie right now, and I still remember all the words to the songs. I remember loving to hate Carol Burnett and doing impressions of her. Acting out the song/video above in middle school with friends for some acting competition. I appreciate how some musicals are still magic for me and that I can pass that to my girls.